One Thing in Common

Authors: Farah & Mera

Rating: PG for now . NC17 eventually (I Hope!)

Spoilers: BtVS S7, AtS S3

Feedback: Farah: lusciousxander@yahoo.com Mera: lusciousspike@yahoo.com

Summery: Before the battle with The First something happens that causes Xander to head out to L.A. to give Angel something for safe keeping, but one thing leads to another and. well you've gotta read to know the rest *G*

Disclaimer: they belong to Joss though we borrowed Spike, Xander and Angel and dammit we'll take our time!!

Distribution: The Island. You want it? No way! Sure you can if you don't I'll let you meet my Ripper. Just tell us first.

Author (Mera) Note: 1/ well, well, well look at us defying all our beliefs and not only write two WIP but now start a third one as well! Will it ever stop! ::cries:: hopefully the remaining bunnies that we have will stay in their cage until at least one of these gets finished!

2/**Important**the last episode of BtVS S7 and S3 of AtS had turned out differently in this story. Connor never got to throw Angel in the ocean because Cordelia never got ascended and stopped him therefore all S4 will never happen. Um Angel and Wesley made up and Lilah never died (*pout* .yeah well she aint coming back though *G*) . Angel never became CEO of W&H instead he closed the place down (how? WillI donno he just did! *g*).

3/ Oodles of thanks to Janet for being our treasured beta, love you! God knows this won't be out if it weren't for you!

Author (Farah) Note: I dedicate this fic to Hanan and to all of you who want more Xangel stories. Hope you guys enjoy!

Italics & *& capitals = emphasize

 ~ = thoughts

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 
 
 
 

~Part: 1~

The desert was vast scorched by the heated sun, which rays made the sweat stream down the young man's face causing him to wipe his hand across it with frustration. He was driving towards LA, when he should have been back in Sunnydale for the big fight. All his friends were there risking their lives to defeat The First while he was leaving to give Dead-boy this magic-missed-up-childe.

It was obviously all Willow's fault. She was supposed to practice doing that spell to give all the potential slayers around the world their slayer powers and in turn, the slayers already training with Buffy would fight against The First. Not surprisingly however, it backfired. It somehow turned Spike into a one year old toddler, a presumably *human* one year old toddler. Giles couldn't find a logical explanation as to why it was Spike who was affected. He said that it would require a very long research session to find how that happened and a way to switch Spike back unfortunately they had no time for either of them.

Moreover, because Buffy 'cared' about Spike so much and didn't want him to get hurt during the big fight, she decided to send the mini Spike to Angel for safe keeping, since, he was his grand-sire after all. She chose the Xan-man for this mission given that he was the one eyed, less useful member of the group. Okay, she didn't say that exactly but it was clear when she explained that Dawn couldn't go all that distance by herself so that only left him. And everybody knew that Dawn was more useless than he was.

 ~ Alright, sounding bitter here, so what? ~ He thought harshly.

Therefore, they had Spike wear one of Dawn's small blouses she had when she was a kid which was still several sizes bigger than the child's tiny form. Buffy gave Xander a bag to put what he thought was needed from the things in the Summers' basement. Fuming, he had thrown all the baby clothes and playthings without a second look along with Spike's old clothes way in the bottom of the duffle thinking he might change back while he was in LA. He thought that Angel would appreciate having something to cover his grown childe with whenever that happened!

On his way, he made a stop at the abandoned mall, since it seemed for once the Sunnydale residents realized that something bad was going to happen, and picked up some diapers, baby food and, of course, the Xan-man's obligatory road trip junk food.

Xander looked down at the sleeping baby on his lap, knowing if ever there were traffic police on the road from Sunny D to L.A. they won't approve but he wanted to make sure the little one was safe. He was starting to feel protective towards him even if it was only Spike. He still couldn't wrap his mind around the idea that the obnoxious vampire was this little baby. He gazed at the peacefully sleeping form closely; he had to admit that Spike was a very cute baby. His formerly gelled white hair had turned into soft dark honey curls and the purple blouse was totally not something the Big Bad would wear.

The child stirred a bit and Xander knew he was about to wake up. The brunet realized it was the first time Spike had woken since the 'miniature-ing' incident. Huge crystal blue eyes stared up at him and small hands that just appeared from the too longer sleeves clutched on the hem of his shirt. He kept in mind that Spike was a little baby now and needed to feel loved, more than ever, so he forced a smile, "Hey, little buddy. How was your nap?"

Spike's lower lip stuck out trembling for a few seconds before he burst into tears. Xander's eyes widened in confusion and pulled the car over to the side of the road. He held the weeping toddler and rocked him gently back and forth trying to quiet him, "It's alright, little one, it's okay." However, much to Xander's dismay the baby would not stop.

"Hey, kid, look at me. It's ok, look at me." Xander waved his hands then caught himself in the review mirror. He looked like a dangerous murderer with that eye patch and the stubble. "Or better yet, don't look at me."

Spike screamed as he started to turn red. Xander began to panic, "Oh God, what to do? Why me! What to do? Ooh, singing, babies love the singing." He flung the baby to his shoulder and started patting him. "Um . hush lil' baby, don't say a word. Xander's gonna buy you a . uh what's the next word?"

The baby was still crying and Xander frantically began to pat him again. ~ Say anything, anything! Just make it stop! ~ "Aah, hush little baby don't say a word. Xander's gonna take you to Broody and Cord." Spike screamed louder and Xander patted him hysterically. "Shouldn't have said Cordy, moron! You knew he'd freak! I mean who wouldn't." He scowled at himself.

Xander pulled Spike back and looked at him miserably. "What do you want me to do, huh? Are you hungry? Do you need changing? Oh please say no!" Since Xander brought the baby to his face so he could easily address him, Spike seemed to find something interesting on it. He slowly raised his tiny little chubby hand then suddenly snatched the young man's eye patch and let it go causing a loud smack on Xander's face. Xander cried out in pain in turn the toddler giggled.

Xander looked at him angrily and couldn't help but yell, "You idiot! Don't do that!"

Spike's eyes widened with alarm and his lower lip started trembling yet again, followed by a high volume bellow.  Xander whimpered. "Not again!" He looked tiredly at the crying baby before taking his eye patch off with a sigh. "*Alright*, you want it, take it!" He handed it to Spike who took it happily and started chewing on the black patch. Xander grimaced when he noticed the child drool dripping all over it.

 ~ Well at least he's quiet. ~

Spike was gnawing on the eye patch, his big blue eyes gazing up at Xander unblinking. The brunet-young man sighed in defeat and patted the honey curls. Spike's eyes were locked on Xander's injured one; he refrained from biting to raise a small hand and touched the damaged eye with the tips of his fingers. He made a depressing sound as if recognizing that Xander was hurt.

Xander didn't move or flinch as Spike laid his small hand on the damaged area. He smiled softly and held the small hand with his big one. "Yeah, it's a big booboo. You know you're the first one to see it without the eye patch with the exception of the doc." Spike whined unhappily and Xander looked at himself in the car mirror. "Yeah, I don't like to look at it bare myself."

"Booboo!" Spike exclaimed touching Xander's eye. The young man grinned down at him then held him, each hand holding an armpit. "Hey, you wanna fly, kid?" He started lifting Spike up and let him drop to catch him again. "Up, down! Up, down!" He carefully made sure the toddler wouldn't hit the car's top.

Spike giggled joyfully and let go of the eye patch. Eventually Xander sat him on his lap and took his eye patch, placing it again to cover his left eye. He made a face when he felt the drool.

~ Eww kiddy slobber! ~ Xander thought as he wiped it on the hem of his shirt before replacing it.

"Booboo!" Spike exclaimed again pointing at the covered section of his face.

Smiling, Xander pointed his finger at it and shook his head. "No Booboo."

The baby shook his head in agreement and whispered in wonder. "No Booboo."

"Hey, wanna eat?!" Xander grabbed a baby bottle, scooped one measure of dried milk and filled it with warm water from a thermos he had brought with him just in case.

 ~ Can't believe I actually know this!! ~

He spent the time while he was shaking the bottle, causing the formula to mix, watching as Spike played with his shirt button. He smiled warmly at the pure innocence in front of him; he forgot when the last time he felt such warmth and affection towards something, or someone, in his heart.  He sighed knowing that he was starting to care for this baby, dangerously, enough to want to protect him.

Afterwards, he finished feeding Spike then rubbed gently on his back, burping him. The little one seemed to tire out quickly after that and fell into a deep sleep on Xander's lap. That was when the young man started the car back up again.

They stopped one more time when was when Spike woke up crying because he needed to be changed. Xander took a diaper from the bag and started changing the baby.

 ~ It's funny that people complain about how hard it is to change a baby's diapers. It's gross but not hard. ~ He finished changing the diaper on the hood and flinched as he seemingly nonchalantly threw the used one off the side of the road. He then got back in the driver seat and started up the engine. ~ Why is it always that no one's here when I do something right? That is knowing the 'how to' of baby changing *not* throwing nuclear baby waste on the side of the road! ~

It didn't take him long to get to the Hyperion. A wide-eyed Xander stared up at enormous hotel. ~ Wow! Wills wasn't kidding after all! ~ He held the baby with one hand and the bag with the other and walked in the hotel. ~ Ok, this is it, dump the little one on Angel and go back to Sunnydale. ~ He thought firmly.

******

The only thing that made the trip worthwhile was the look on Angel's face the moment he saw the one-year-old Spike. Xander snickered at the shocked expression on the always-broody face. "I guess L.A. gave you other facial expressions that I haven't yet seen."

Angel pointed at the baby with alarm. "Th . this is Spike?"

Xander looked down at the child he held. "Yep, he's a cutie, aint he?" He frowned looking up at the vampire. "Hey, Buffy didn't tell you?" He got a confused look from Angel. "She was supposed to call you and 'warn you' about us coming over."

"She didn't tell me a thing," Angel spoke looking slightly hurt.

Xander scoffed at the look on the other man's face. "Oh c'mon, man. We're at war, of course she forgot!" His mind caught hold of something, "Hey, then how did you know that I was coming? You acted like you were expecting me."

"Vampire senses, I assumed that Buffy sent you for more supplies or something."

"Still, doesn't explain how you knew the little guy was Spike."

"As I told you, vampire senses. I can sense my childer, even if they shrunk and are apparently human." Angel said while approaching Xander and the little Spike. He stared at the toddler narrowly. "How did he get like this?"

Xander shrugged. "Willow, a magic-mistake, same old, same old." He looked down at the child who was chewing his collar as he held him to his shoulder. "Hey, kid, look. This Angel, he's like your grandpa or something, look."

Spike left Xander's collar and looked at the other brunet. Angel reached out for him with a smile. Spike gazed fearfully at him and quickly hid his face in Xander's shoulder, clutching his shirt tightly. Xander smirked as he looked up at Angel. "Looks like he doesn't like you."

Angel scowled. "This is ridiculous!" He held his arms closer to Spike. "Come here, kiddo, come with me."

Spike whimpered and grasped more into Xander who snickered, "Seems that he likes me more."

Angel gave up, drawing his arms back. "He's not used to me yet, that's all." He took the bag and gestured to the stairs. "Come on, I have an empty room for him. You can leave once we settle him in."

Xander followed him. "How did you figure that out?" He asked while murmuring comforting words to the frightened baby.

"Doesn't take a genius, it's obvious that Buffy wanted Spike out of the harm's way while he's in this condition. So she sent you to give him to me 'til the fight is over and then she'll come and I'll give him to her."

Xander stopped following and looked at Angel in disbelief. "You don't want him?" he asked tightening his hold on Spike.

Angel turned to look at him, confused. "What?"

"You said you're gonna give him to her."

"Yes, I said that. You're point?"

Xander's eyes widened incredulity. "You're just gonna hand him to Buffy the moment she asks? Is that it?"

Angel didn't show any sign of caring and shrugged, "Well, you just said Willow's magic was the cause. She's gonna find a way to reverse the spell and Spike will go back to his normal annoying self. And of course, Buffy will want him back. She seemed to like him pretty much last I saw her," he said irritably remembering when he smelled his childe all over his ex-girlfriend.

"Well, we're not really sure that it was Willow's spell that done this." At Angel's look he continued, "I told you we're in a war; we have no time to think straight!" He shot the vampire with a heated look, "What if he remained a kid and he has to be raised? Wouldn't you do it?"

When Angel didn't answer, Xander got angry. "He is your childe, you said so! Your responsibility! He's like your son for God's sake; you can't just walk out on him!"

"I did before; I walked out on both Drusilla and Spike." Angel spoke coldly.

"But this is a little kid! How could you ."

"He's Spike!" The vampire stated firmly, noting the way Xander was clutching Spike tightly to his chest. "And when did you start to care for him?"

"I don't! Spike that is, he's a vampire with or without a soul! A killer!" Xander looked at the older brunet with revulsion. "Like you!" He said hissing the two words.

Angel only stared at him, his face expressionless.

Xander looked down at the child in his arms. "This is a human baby who needs to be loved and cared for." His gaze went to Angel again. "I would never let someone who doesn't love his own childe taking care of him."

Suddenly, Xander found himself pushed against the wall by a very upset Angel. The vampire's hands were pressed painfully to his chest. He looked up with dread at the yellow eyes that fumed with fury. "Don't you *ever* say that about me, human!"

Spike screamed fearfully kicking Angel's hands with his feet, trying to get him away from Xander. Angel came back to his senses right away and his eyes turned back to their usual brown color. He let go of Xander and anxiously rubbed on his forehead. "I'm sorry," he said addressing the young man.

Xander shook his head while rocking Spike in his arms to calm him. "It's alright," he replied. The young man noticed the deep pain in the older brunet's eyes, he didn't know what caused it and he doubted that Angel was going to tell him.

Angel looked up at him, eyes showed weariness. "I'm sorry, it's not that I don't want to take care of Spike, it's just . I've been through a lot in the past two years and ."

Xander nodded. "Say no more, I get ya. I'm sure you're still tense and all, we all went through tough times since the last time we saw each other."

Angel stared at him and for the first time he noticed the eye patch on the young man's left eye. "Who . when did you ."

Xander smiled bitterly looking down at the now quiet Spike. "Yeah, it happened a couple of weeks ago. Spike actually stopped this psycho preacher from taking the other one. Buffy killed him though with some neat scythe."

"Yeah I was there," Angel mumbled. He looked sympathetically at the boy he had never liked before. "Xander, I'm ."

"Yeah, yeah, where did you say his room was?" Xander spoke swiftly trying to change the subject. Angel got the message and took the bag he dropped heading to Connor's old room.

Angel could still recall the exact details of what happened to him the past couple of years. On the event of him sleeping with Darla, she came back pregnant and angry before sacrificing her life for her souled child. Holtz took Connor to Quarthoth then, after several dimension opening tries that failed, he return back to him. However, his son hated him and tried to kill him several times after Holtz's death, thinking it was Angel's fault. Luckily Cordelia was there and stopped Connor from attacking him with the white light thing she does.

Angel had to make a deal with Lilah. It was quite a simple thing. He would not kill her if she, and her resources at Wolfram and Hart, erase everyone's memory of his son and the events that occurred because of his birth, on the exception of the Fang Gang since he trusted them and thought of them as family, and give Connor the normal human life he deserved. In addition, as a little present for himself, they had secured his soul, making sure Angelus would never be released again.

With that being done and with the rest of the gang's help, including Wesley whom his and Angel's friendship had returned full force, they closed the evil law firm. There in one of the safes, Wesley found a pendant that he said would help the Slayer on the final battle with The First and in closing the Hellmouth; however it could only be worn by a champion. Thus, he went to Sunnydale in hope of being Buffy's savior and rekindling their love, especially after he and Cordelia realized that theirs was only lust but no more.

Unfortunately, Buffy sent him back with a kiss telling him that he would be their second line and that Spike, who now had a shinning new soul, was her champion. Now Buffy's boy was here with said souled vampire who was 'presumably' turned into a human toddler by the resident witch, who had experienced a serious magic use overload a short while back. Moreover, he was expected to welcome the child with open arms! Didn't they know his record? Be it with childe or supernatural yet human child, he was not the 'vamp' for the job.

~ Haven't I been through enough?! ~

Angel opened the door to Connor's old room that he slept in as a little baby. A sad smile curled up into his lips at the sight of it. He had redone the room after the fire. The crib lacked its comforter that was thrown to the other side of the room. He entered, putting the bag down and went to arrange the crib.

Xander entered after him with Spike in his arms. His eye caught the crib in the middle of the room. He frowned looking at Angel, "Why do you have a baby crib?"

Angel shrugged while placing the blankets on the small bed, "Long story."

"And this story has something to do with the tough time you had the in the last couple of years." Xander guessed moving towards the vampire.

"Pretty much," Angel answered as he finished fixing the crib. "Here we go," he looked at Xander, "Now put him down."

Xander lowered Spike into the crib but the baby protested and whimpered looking at Angel fearfully. "It's alright, Little One, I'm right here with ya."

Angel winced at the name Xander called Spike. He remembered when he used to call his grand-childe by that name. Spike was rested on his back on the sheets and blinked his big blue eyes up at the two grown ups. It didn't take too long until the edge of the blanket became his new chew-toy.

Angel raised an eyebrow at the purple blouse Spike was wearing. "Why is he wearing a blouse? And why is it purple?"

"Uh . they didn't have any baby clothes at the Summers' residence. This was one of Dawn's."

Angel frowned at the too large blouse, "I have some baby clothes but I think they're a bit smaller. He looks like a one year old, is that correct?" Xander nodded. Angel leaned closer to Spike smiling. "Tomorrow we're going to buy clothes that fit, alright kiddo?"

Spike backed away from Angel fearfully and the vampire sighed disappointedly. Xander sulked a bit. "Wait a minute! Why do you have baby clothes?" Angel gave him a look causing him to laugh nervously, "Right, none of my business." He looked down at his watch, which he started to wear on his right hand so he could see it better. "What do ya know? I gotta go now, nice to see ya again!" He turned to leave.

"Wait!"

Xander turned back to Angel, who looked down worriedly at the baby. "Are you gonna leave me alone with him?"

Xander blinked confused. "Angel, he's a little baby, he's not gonna bite. well, he could bite you but it won't kill."

"I know that!" Angel said annoyed. "But he doesn't like me; do you think it's wise to leave him here alone with me?"

Xander shrugged. "Why don't you let Cordy or Wesley take care of him 'til he get used to you?" He looked around, "By the way, where is everyone?"

"As I said we've been through a lot this year so I gave them the week off. Fred might be back here tonight."

"Okay, let this Fred guy take care of him then."

"*She* 'might' come here tonight, I don't know." He looked resignedly at the young man, "Couldn't you stay here tonight?"

Xander shook his head. "I can't. I have to get back there, fight with my friends."

"Xander," Angel whined. "They can handle themselves without you."

The young man winced. "Gee thanks," he said sarcastically.

Angel approached him putting a hand on his shoulder, Xander brushed it off in anger and the older brunet sighed, "Listen, I'm sorry, it's just I need your help here."

"I don't care. Believe it or not my friends do need my help in Sunnydale, goodbye, Angel!" He was at the door when Spike noticed him leaving. The toddler began to cry, getting louder and louder as he reached his hands up to Xander.

Angel turned at Xander. "See? He wants you here!"

Xander looked at the child who started screaming with his hands in the air, wanting Xander to hold him. Spike's tears fell over his reddened cheeks, holding his hands up for Xander to pick him.

Xander shook his head to the baby, "I'm sorry, I've to go. They need me." He whispered heading outside until .

"Dada!"

Xander froze in his place turning his face slowly towards the baby. Spike reached his hands desperately for him. "Dada! Dada!" He cried out.

Angel raised eyebrow incredulous, "He thinks you're his father?"

"It's coz I was the first face he saw I guess," Xander said the first suitable explanation that came to his mind and walked towards the crying baby; he picked him up kissing his face all over not knowing why but feeling it was the right thing to do. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he spoke softly rocking him gently. Spike slowly began to calm down; touching Xander's eye patch making sure it was his Daddy.

Angel wearily approached Xander wearing a soft smile. "So? You're staying?"

Xander looked up at Angel then down at the sniffling baby. "I think I should." He looked back up at Angel. "But what about my friends? They need me back in Sunnydale!"

"Do you have a cell phone?"

Xander nodded.

"Then call them and explain it to them."

Xander reached for his mobile in his pocket, he dialed the Summers' phone number and Angel heard Buffy answering the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Buffy, it's Xander. Uh, look, I got Spike to Angel but it seems that I'm the only one who Spike feels safe with and ."

"Hey, it's alright. You could stay in L.A. helping Angel out with Spike."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely, we're handling ourselves just fine. You should stay there."

"If you say so."

"Yeah, you better stay there, Xan." There was a slight pause. "For Spike, you know."

"Yeah, I know."

"Hey Xand, I should go, they need me, alright then, bye!"

"Bye Buff."

Xander closed his mobile slowly, holding Spike to him tighter. Angel fought the urge to comfort the young man. He knew that Buffy thought Xander wouldn't make a difference if he was or wasn't there at the fight, but at least Buffy could have shown the contrary to Xander for his sake.

Xander raised a false-happy eye with the biggest grin Angel ever saw. "Hey, laugh it up Dead-boy, the Xan-man is staying! You're off the hook." He looked down at a sniffing Spike. "I think we better feed him." He said and hurried to grab the bottle and the formula. Angel shook the sympathetic look from his face and helped Xander into the kitchen.

After they fed Spike, Xander got some of Dawn's old stuffed animals and gave them to the baby, who started merrily playing in his crib throwing them around and making conversation with the inanimate animals. The two brunets just watched him playing with fond smiles. Angel noticed Xander getting uncomfortable, the young man stood up heading outside.

"Where are you going?" He called after him.

"My eye's beginning to itch and I left the drops and cream in the car, I'll be right back!"

Noticing his Daddy leaving, Spike began to cry again. Xander went back with a sigh. "No honey, its okay. I'm not leaving; I'll just go get something out of the car and come back."

Angel snorted. "Yeah, Harris, like he'll understand you."

Xander glared at him. "Well, do you have a way to make him un-fear you?"

Angel looked at Spike thoughtfully before picking him up with difficulty since Spike kept reaching frightfully for Xander. Angel turned Spike's face towards him and when he felt the blue eyes look at him, he changed into his game face.

Xander panicked. "Are you crazy?" He yelled at Angel but then he noticed Spike calming down and reaching with his small fingers to touch Angel's fangs.

Xander stared at them, eyes wide. "Whoa!" He gasped. Spike calmed down when he saw Angel's real nature!

"I figured it could work on him too. Guess I was right." Angel said still looking at the baby who ran his fingers over his ridges.

Xander narrowed his eyes at him, "Too?"

Angel ignored him and smiled down, still game faced, at the little baby. He was finally enjoying holding Spike. He looked so adorable. All of this brought back memories of Connor, when he himself calmed down for the first time after his birth at the sight of his father's true face. He brushed the sad memories away and focused all his attention on his childe, who was beginning to drift off.

He turned to the amazed Xander and asked, "Why don't you go and get your stuff?"

Xander nodded speechless and headed outside, as the vampire placed the now sleeping Spike in his crib. He sat on the edge of the bed staring at him and brooding.

After few minutes, Xander came back. The young man grinned at the view. "So back to the broodiness, I see, finally a look I'm familiar with," he cheered teasingly.

Angel glared at him putting a finger to his mouth. Xander noticed Spike sleeping and nodded understandingly. The vampire stood up and walked towards the younger brunet. "I think it's better if you slept in the room with him. He'd probably be more comfortable with you and would relax if he saw you with him if. *when* he wakes up in the middle of night."

Xander shook his head in fake irritation. "You just wanna dump him on me so he won't wake you from your precious vamp beauty sleep."

Angel smiled knowing it was just a tease. "Yep, that's the plan," he joked walking outside but stopped when he heard softly Xander calling his name and turned.

Xander grinned widely. "Have any PJs? The only clothes I have are the ones I'm wearing. You know, didn't expect a sleepover."

Angel nodded. "No but I'll bring you some sweats," he said as he left.

Xander stared at the taller brunet leaving and shuddered. ~ Oh God! I was joking with Angel! Gods me and Dead-boy! This is so bizarre! ~ He frowned at the thought of him and Angel actually getting along. Definitely something that never happened before. The reason wasn't just because they never liked each other; it could also be the lack of having anything common between them. He was always the stupid, funny, chatty boy that wore bright colored cloths kind of guy while Angel was the mysterious, broody, silent, dark cloths kind of vamp.

The young man sighed and ran his eye over the room. His gaze stopped at the sleeping baby. He smiled tenderly and sat in the same spot Angel was setting in; he stared at Spike, running his fingers through soft golden curls that somehow had a glow in the darkness of the calmly let room. His heart had the same warm feeling he got when the little baby called him 'Dada'. He leaned forward, pressed a light kiss on the child's forehead, then went back to his position, and just watched over him.

He was so lost looking at the adorable face that he didn't notice Angel in the doorway holding some clothes, nor noticed the smile that had brightened the vampire's handsome features.

~Part: 2~

Fred entered the hotel late at night after waving goodbye to Wesley and yawned; she was exhausted and sleepy. She and Wesley had only arrived at LAX from the Dallas Airport a couple of hours ago. She had a wonderful time at her home in Texas with him. As she locked the door, she thanked God that she and Wesley had gotten together after Angel left for Sunnydale soon after the downfall of Wolfram and Hart and remembered how ecstatic she was when he agreed to pay a visit to her parents.

The young woman smiled at the reminiscence of Wesley asking her to spend the night at his apartment but she had declined saying that she had promised Angel she would return to the hotel as soon as she came back. The sweet girl in her couldn't leave the broody vampire all alone in the Hyperion for another night when all their friends were away on a short vacation after a great victory. Moreover, Angel had called each of them after his return and gave them specific orders for each of them to go to their homes upon their return from their separate retreats as The Slayer had chosen them as a second front if she and hers couldn't stop this apocalypse. However, Fred would not bother herself with that now as she was still on cloud nine as far as she was concerned.

Fred couldn't help but wander dreamily through the halls heading to her room, thinking about the time she and Wesley had with her parents in Texas. Suddenly, interrupting her happy thoughts, she heard wailing and stopped her tracks with a frown.

~ Was that a baby? ~ She wondered. The only baby crying she had ever heard in this hotel was Connor.

~ Could it be a Connor baby bawl? ~ She thought before her eyes widened ~ Connor's back! But … wait he's like 19 or something, he won't cry especially all baby-like! Oh my! Maybe… maybe I went back in time, through some kind of time portal! and … and I can … it's my chance to help and clear things so Wesley won't steal Connor and Connor would still be his cute self again and Angel wouldn't have to make everyone forget … well, except he didn't make *us* forget which was so nice of him. And Angel and Wesley won't have to have that fight and would still be together … but not in that kind of way … coz Wes and I are together in that kind of way! ~ she giggled happily before she heard the crying again.

~ Oh, baby!!! ~

She ran excitedly to Connor's room. The young woman found his door slightly open and peered quietly inside. ~ Someone's in there! Oh, must be Past Angel! ~ She didn't want to annoy Angel while he was feeding his son, so she didn't make any sound. Angel was giving her his back and singing softly to Connor, who she couldn't see because of the broad back that obscured her vision. She smiled warmly remembering the old times when she used to watch Angel sing to Connor and rock him gently to sleep, although there was something odd about this version of 'Past Angel' she was observing.

This Angel had darker and somewhat longer hair that was *not* sticking up. And his singing voice was not the same as the Angel she knew used. This Angel turned a little and his face was nothing like Angel's!

Her eyes widened with horror as her tired mind registered something important. ~ That's not Angel! ~ She thought as she gazed fearfully at the scary eye patch. ~ Oh .my .God! There's a pirate who's stealing Connor while singing him a lullaby! Maybe that's how Connor gets stolen in this reality! ~ She backed away fearfully trying to think of a way to save Connor. All of a sudden, she found herself running to Angel's room so he could save Connor from the evil baby pilfering pirate. ~ Why is there a pirate in such a modern time anyway? Darn it Winifred! Save baby now, think later! ~

******

Angel was dozing peacefully until something jumped onto his bed startling him awake. He opened his eyes and looked at Fred who was screaming something and jumping. "Fred, is that you?" he asked blinking.

"Yes, it's me. I got a new hair cut but that would be months from now! Angel, there's a pirate and we've got to stop him!"

Angel squeezed his eyes with his fingers tiredly, trying to comprehend what had been said with Fred's fast babble. He stiffened as he registered the word 'pirate' and looked jadedly at his thin friend, "A what?"

"A pirate, Angel! He's taking Connor from his room!"

Angel, who just woke up and was still not fully being awake enough to understand, as well as tolerate, the Fred insane babble, acknowledged one thing; his son was in trouble and needed his help. Faster than a wink, he sprinted to Connor's room wearing his game face.

He jerked Connor's door open and growled, "Stay away from my son!" All he got in return was the loud sounds of crying and an irritated Xander voice, "Angel! I just got him to sleep!"

The young man turned, annoyed, to the vampire and blushed fiercely trying to look elsewhere, "Whoa! Angel-man, what's with the nakedness and vampy-ness?!"

Fred ran after Angel lost of breath, "Pirate!" she shouted pointing at Xander.

Xander got distracted from looking at Angel's goods, ~ for comparison reasons, only, of course! ~ He thought in defensive, to raise his eye brows at the jumpy girl.

By that time, Angel was fully awake and was trying with little success to cover up. "Fred," he nodded his head at the girl. "Xander," he nodded again at the boy, "Who's not a pirate as far as I know," he explained as he addressed Fred. He nodded at the baby, who was now crying in Xander's arms, "And the child is my former grand-childe turned human baby 'presumably' by the resident witch," He grinned as he was running out, "Bye now!"

Xander blinked astonished at the now empty doorway, ~ I've never heard Broody blathering all those words and never that fast … and …did he just say 'bye now'?! ~

He shuddered before turning to the young woman standing in front of him. "Hey," he greeted looking her over, "So… you’re Angel's new honey?"

Fred looked up at him confused, "What?"

"Angel's girlfriend?"

Fred laughed loudly, "What? No! Why would you think that?"

Xander shrugged, sitting on the edge of his bed trying hard to calm the crying baby, "Well, I assumed that you are, since you're living with him and running after him while he was in his nakedness for all to… *uhem* … obviously see. I just guessed it was a game you two play before the sweaty parts," he explained smiling as Spike began to calm down.

Fred grimaced. "What? Ewww! I don't do that and I'm defiantly not his honey. I'm another's honey… and um we don't do that either," she said blushing.

Xander was cooing at the baby who started sucking his little finger blinking his big blue eyes up at him. He exposed the baby's stomach before leaning down fast and blowing raspberries on his tummy, Xander could faintly remember himself liking it when his dad used to do that to him, now that only seemed as a distant memory. Spike giggled cheerfully, bringing back the brunet man's attention, and Xander blew more, making the toddler laugh and wave his little chubby hands up with joy.

Fred smiled fondly at the scene and sat next to Xander, taking a seat on the bed. She was about to ask how it was like to see with one eye, but thought against it, thinking it was rude and instead reached out to touch the child's honey blond curls. She bent forward closer to his face. "You are the cutest little baby, aren't you?" she cooed to Spike who burbled happily.

"He's SO cute!" Fred exclaimed looking at Xander, who looked resignedly down at a completely waked Spike. "He is not going back to sleep, is he?" he asked pathetically.

Fred looked down at the baby and took in the shiny blue eyes, no trace of sleep there. "Guess not." She turned to Xander. "So Willow turned Angel's grand-childe into a baby?"

Xander shrugged. "Maybe, we're not sure yet." He looked puzzled at her. "You know Willow?" he asked, remembering that Angel had not mentioned it was Willow but only said it was a witch.

Fred grinned, her usual Fred-grin and nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, she came here few a months ago; she was really nice and helped us a lot! She's your friend, right?"

"My best-est! I've known her since *we* were in diapers, literally" He tickled the still giggling tot. "Yeah, we were like you when I met my Willow. Yes, we were. Well maybe with less drool," he said wiping the boy's face with a napkin.

Fred smiled at him, "You handle him good. You like children a lot, huh?"

"I guess. Buffy's little sister liked me the most when I first met her. She was about ten then. But, in general, I never had a lot of contact with children."

"But you seem to like this one very much, was he your friend when he used to be a non- infant?"

Xander blinked at her before bursting into a gale of laughter. He looked at her and tried to explain but every time he stopped to compose himself he started off again.

Fred nodded understanding. "That answers that question." Xander shrugged but continued laughing.

Finally, Xander stopped and looked at her, face serious. "I never liked Spike. I admit that he changed, but that doesn't change the fact that he was a vampire, which is an enough reason to hate him in my book."

Fred was taken back by how harsh Xander sounded and gazed at the mini-Spike, "But you seem to like his baby version a great deal."

Xander looked fondly at the baby who started his all time favorite chewing game with the hem of the shirt Angel had given him. "It's different. This is a human baby, Spike was a monster."

"He didn't have a soul like Angel then?"

Xander grimaced. "He did. Well, eventually. But in the end he's still a vampire."

"But he had a soul," Fred said with a frown.

"So? What if he loses his soul and all of us were blinded thinking he still had his fancy new soul? He'd take advantage of our trust and drain us all and dance over our graves," Xander spoke evenly so he won't startle the baby in his arms, but his voice held a hint of vehemence. Even though he knew that since Spike had willingly fought for his soul and in turn was not cursed by it like Angel was, there was no chance of losing it. However, Xander was not willing to admit that.

Fred sighed and nodded. "True, Angel scared me so much when he lost his soul; if it weren't for Willow we would have been dead by now."

Xander smiled. "Yeah, my Wills was the one to bring his soul back when we were in high school too."

"So … this means you hate Angel, too, huh?"

"When I was in high school I'd always used the phrase 'I hate him'. At that time I was too young and naive to tell between the evil vampire and the soul-ed 'person'. Now I can say that I hate what Angel is but I don't hate the actual person … um did that make sense?"

Fred nodded. "I think I understand. But I don't think I have the same problem, I mean not all the demons are bad and since I lived with Angel and the others for like two years and I got used to hang out with …" She was cut off by Xander.

"Yeah, I know. My ex-fiancé used to be a demon and I still loved her even when she turned back into one." He shook his head shrugging, "It's mostly a vampire thing with me," he clarified quietly.

Fred held onto the detail that interests any girl all over the world no matter who she was. "You had a fiancé?! Had? What happened? Why aren't you …" She smiled shyly looking down, "It is none of my business, sorry. I'm being a nose-r."

The young man shook his head smiling at her. "No, it's ok. The break up was my fault, I left her at the alter."

Fred made a face. "Ouch… and her being a demon didn't try killing you?"

"At the time she was an ex-demon but after the wedding that never happened she became a demon again. As for killing me…" He smiled sadly. "…She should've… I think she actually tried but well…" he trailed off.

Fred placed her hand over his shoulder careful of not jolting his hold of the baby. "Were you nervous? Was that why you couldn't go through with it?"

"Yeah, also I was confused and… well scared. The funny thing was that I did it because I loved her!" He chuckled bitterly. "I actually loved her so much that I asked her to get back together afterwards." He looked at her inquiringly. "Very stupid, huh?"

She bit her lower lip. "No offence but yeah."

"No offence taken… know that." The young man nodded.

They turned to the door as Angel came in donning his usual dark clothes. "Took you that long to get dressed?" Xander asked blinking playfully.

Angel ignored the younger man and looked at Fred. "Hey Fred, thought you were staying at Wesley's tonight. I know I said that you should be somewhere that I know. I said that you should return to your homes upon arriving but I assumed…"

Fred pouted. "You don't want me here?" she asked in mock discontent.

"What?! No, I just …"

"Relax Angel, I was just joking." She giggled patting his leg.

Xander looked at Fred eyes wide. "You're with *Wesley*?! Wesley has a girlfriend? A real live girlfriend?"

Fred blinked confused at him while Angel rolled his eyes. "He's not the same guy you knew, Xander."

Fred yawned and started stretching. "Alright," she said standing up, "I should go to my room, now. I'm very tired, long trip and all."

Angel nodded. "Yeah you should rest." He gave her a hug and helped her gather her things that were lying near the door when she let them fall after the whole Pirate mistake.

Holding her bags, Fred smiled at the young man, "Bye Xander!"

Xander waved, "Bye Fred!" He held the baby's arm and waved it speaking to him, "Say Bye Fred!" Angel sat next to Xander and looked at his former grand-childe, "C'mon Kiddo, say by Fred!" he said repeating Xander's words.

Spike beamed at the eyes gazing at him intently waving his hand the same way his Dada did. "Bye 'ed!" he exclaimed excited.

Fred grinned widely at the baby waving back at him, "Bye Sweetie!" she said then left yawning.

"Fred," said Xander after a while, "Very unusual name for a girl."

"It's actually Winifred, Fred for short." Angel explained looking at Spike. He chuckled as the toddler kept waving.

Xander patted the baby's head. "It's alright, honey. She's gone, you can stop waving now."

Spike kept waving with a big grin on his adorable face. "Sweetie," Xander said with a sigh, "I said you can stop, son!" His shout made Spike pout and was about to cry, so Xander quickly gave him the still damp hem of his shirt and Spike mechanically began chewing.

Angel blinked at Xander looking at him questioningly, "Son?"

Xander shrugged a bit embarrassed at being caught. "Well, he calls me Dada. I may as well call him son."

Angel looked down amazed at the very happy child chewing excitedly. "He does like to bite a lot; you think it has something to do with him being a vampire before?"

He looked up to find Xander fighting to keep his eye open. Angel smiled sympathetically. "You're very tired, aren't you?"

Xander rubbed his one eye with a free hand. "I wanna sleep very badly," he whined. He handed Spike to the older brunet vampire. "You make him go back to sleep!"

Once Spike noticed he's been handed to Angel, he clutched at his Dada and began to whimper. Xander closed his eye despairingly, "For sleep's sake Angel, change face now!"

Angel changed into his game face and Spike began to relax as he happily sat on the vampire's large arm reaching up to touch the lengthened fangs. Angel looked down sadly. "He still doesn't like me, eh?"

Xander climbed into bed after taking off his shoes. "We'll work on it tomorrow," he promised tiredly relaxing into the mattress. He grimaced at the sound of baby babbling, "Angel, make him go to sleep!" he complained despairingly.

"Why should I be the one to do that?" Angel protested trying to save his fangs from Spike's strangely strong grip.

"Because I was the one who sang him to sleep before *you* woke him up with your 'stay away from my son' gig, and besides, I suck at singing. I'm sure your voice is way better than mine."

Angel blinked. "Why would you think that?"

"Because you hero types are always SO perfect, you've got the looks, the dark clothes, charm, the best moves and, most importantly, the coolest car. I saw yours outside on the curve. I'm pretty sure your voice is good," Xander answered confidently while he drew the blankets over his body.

Angel smiled lying Spike on his lap in attempt to make him fall asleep. "Then you'd be surprised at how bad I sound singing."

Xander opened his eye widely. "You're kidding, right?"

"No, really, I don't know why everyone thinks that champions are good at everything. I still recall my friends' faces when they heard me singing for the first time." He chuckled remembering the disgusted looks on both Cordelia and Wesley. And of course the devastated one on Lorne's, Angel actually thought he saw a broken hearted look on the green demon’s face. Lorne never flirted with him as much after that.

"What did you sing?" Xander asked closing him eye again.

"Mandy." Angel turned to look at the young man. He frowned as he noticed Xander still wearing the eye patch. "Wouldn't you be more comfortable not wearing that?" he said pointing at the patch over Xander’s left eye.

Xander opened his eye looking at Angel's yellow ones. He was disturbed by the game face Angel wore but didn't comment on it, since he was the one that asked for it, and just stared at the vampire for a long while before smiling. "It's alright. I'm used to it, I feel bare without it. I've always slept with it so no one can see how damaged my eye is, it's not a pretty sight." Angel's sad look troubled Xander who didn't like to be pitied. He closed his eye. "Would you sing Mandy to the little guy so I can go to sleep?" he said trying to divert the attention.

Angel sighed looking down at Spike who started sucking his thumb and began singing softly,

//I remember all my life
Raining down as cold as ice
Shadows of a man
A face through a window
Crying in the night
The night goes into …//

He tried hard to ignore the soft snicker from the bed, but failed miserably. "See?! I told you I sound terrible."

Xander stopped laughing and looked at the broad back. "You know, I figured that's the only thing we have in common."

Angel turned to look at him looking slightly upset. "The only thing? C'mon, we have other things in common."

"Like what?" Xander asked grinning looking up at the ceiling.

"Like we're both tall …"

"You're taller than me."

"But we're both tall and that's what's important. And we both have dark hair …"

"Mine is darker than yours."

"Why are you doing this?" Angel growled softly.

Xander raised an eyebrow. "Why are *you* so upset about this?"

Angel didn't know why the idea of him and Xander not having anything in common bothered him. He looked down at Spike who was beginning to drift off. "Do you want me to sing or you wanna take it from here?"

"Nah, you continue, I don't know the words anyway."

"Alright, but tomorrow it's your turn to sing."

"Yeah, yeah."

//Oh Mandy
Well you came and you gave without taking
But I sent you away, oh Mandy
Well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Mandy//

The dark vampire kept singing until Spike fell asleep. He tucked him in bed and kissed his cheek tenderly. Smiling, he turned to face the young man snoozing in bed. Xander was sleeping on his side, snoring softly, mouth slightly open with a little drool coming out.

Angel smiled gently and shook his head in amazement. Xander's face still held the innocence of the child he first met when they joined Buffy. The young man looked like a five year old who slept in his Halloween custom, which is the impression one would get looking at him with the eye patch. He leaned down fixing Xander's blanket under his chin. He stared at the eye patch and thought about taking it off but knowing that it would upset Xander so he didn’t.

He walked towards the door heading outside, closing the door softly behind him he whispered, "Good night boys."

******

The next day, Angel was sitting in his office checking over some files and taking fleeting glances to the crib next to him from time to time. He smiled at the sleeping baby and hoped he would not wake until Xander and Fred came back from the shopping center. He wanted to be the one shopping for clothes and baby stuff for Spike; somewhat feeling the need to be nostalgic over Connor and how he bought things for him when he was born, but the little one had needs that couldn't wait until tonight. So Fred suggested that Angel watch the baby while she took Xander with her to buy clothes for himself as well as enough baby essentials for Spike. They didn't know how long it would take Buffy and the others to finish their mission so it would do well to be prepared.

Angel's smile grew bigger when the door was opened and Fred came through carrying a bunch of shopping bags. The young woman sprinted up to Angel's desk excitedly, "We bought lots of things!" she exclaimed cheerfully.

Angel held a finger to his mouth and gestured at the sleeping toddler in the crib. Fred bit her lips, "Oops," she whispered back with an apologetic smile.

"Where is Xander?" Angel asked glancing at the door expecting the young man to enter with more bags thanks to the vampire's credit card Fred had pouted like a pro to acquire. Angel dreaded what other 'tips' she had picked up from Cordelia.

"He's gone up to shower and change into his new clothes," Fred answered while enthusiastically getting out the baby clothes she and Xander bought for the baby as well as some toys and spread them all over the papers that were scattered on the desk.

Angel ran his eyes over the charming clothes and toys the two youths had obtained. His eyes shone with joy and sadness at the same time. Joy for the hours he and Spike would be playing with the new toys and sadness at the memory of Connor playing with similar ones. He thought back to that time and wished that he knew what was going to happen, if not to stop it, to relish every second he and his son had together. Angrily, he brushed the sad memory away like he always did and looked with a forced smile towards Fred, wanting something to take his mind off his gloomy brooding. "So, you and Wes had fun with your parents?" he asked, smiling for real at the twinkle in the sweet girl's eyes.

"Yeah, Wesley was so nervous to meet my folks. Well, he met them before but not as my boyfriend. So it's not like meeting the parents for the first time. They liked him so much anyway, not that they hadn't liked him before, but like more now that they knew he cared for me! Ooh and I showed him the places I went to when I was a kid, schools, the diner, the library and well … everything!" She giggled happily remembering her happy time with her boyfriend, it all still seemed like a dream. Who knew after her horrifying five years in a demon dimension she could ever be happy again. It was like a fairytale come true!

Angel smiled, listening for his friend's cheerful babble. He was happy for both Fred and Wesley at finding each other. His eyes caught a site of one of the outfits Fred bought. He held the small blue shirt checking it out and envisioning how the small child, who's amazingly still asleep through Fred's joyous chatter, thinking he would look absolutely adorable in it.

"Cordy called. She said she'll be over here tonight," he informed Fred while touching the very small pockets of the shirt in his hands.

Fred looked at him with raised eyebrows. "She's back already? I thought she was staying another week in Florida."

"Well, she said it's getting too warm there and that she missed us. Also, she wanted to be here if the world decided to end when Buffy messes things up."

Fred noticed the jab at Buffy's expense; she knew Cordelia had never liked the slayer much and wondered if it had something to do with Angel. She rested with both her elbows on the desk staring directly at the dark vampire. "So you and Cordy are over for good?" she asked referring to the fascination Angel and Cordelia seemed to have for each other in the last couple of years.

Angel sighed. "Yeah, well, we thought it was love that we had but it wasn't, just a little attraction and lust that seemed serious at one time. And there was the whole her sleeping with Connor thing. It just won't work out." The vampire shrugged looking at another small shirt.

"So … what's next with you two?" the young woman asked biting her lip anxiously. She liked both her friends and didn’t want either of them to be hurt.

"We're just friends," Angel answered simply. "Nothing that happened last year would change that. Cordy is still one of my best friends." He smiled at Fred reassuring her.

She returned his smile. "So the whole gang is gonna be here today? Better call Gunn and Lorne so they could meet Xander and the baby!" She headed excitedly outside going for the phone.

Angel shook his head turning his attention back at what the young humans procured for little Spike. He knew that Gunn would show up since he spent off his time helping out his friends back in the hood, as well as visiting with them, but doubted that Lorne could come tonight because he had a gig in Las Vegas.

After a while, the dark vampire sensed Xander coming in, the young man smelled fresh with a hint of lemony soap and delicate aftershave smell in the back ground. Angel heard him exhaling merrily. "I would have giving all my kingdom for a bath, except I had no kingdom on me and the water was freely given so I pampered myself like a teenager going out to prom!" Xander's voice sounded nothing but delight.

Angel smiled looking up, his eyes widened at the vision in front of him. Xander was wearing dark slacks and a dark silvery red button-down short sleeved shirt that showed off his tanned muscular arms. His usual long sleeved ugly shirts didn't give him credit. His hair glistened in the light, still wet but was combed back nicely. His grinning face looked smooth after shaving. The dark patch that covered his left eye clashed with his youthful looks making giving him a mysterious glow. The gaping vampire could not deny that the young man standing in from of him looked hot!

~ Wow! It looks like Cordy rubbed off on Fred more than I thought! ~

"Angel?"

Angel was shaken out of his musing by Xander's questioning tone. "What?" he asked with an uneasy smile.

The one eyed boy raised an eyebrow at him and headed towards the crib. He smiled down at the sleeping baby. "Should we wake him?" he asked running his finger lightly over the soft honey curls.

Angel shook his head standing up. "No, better let him wake up on his own when he's hungry," he said speaking from experience, knowing pretty good the unbearable consequences from such an act for once the child stirs awake one would hope for him to sleep again. He looked at Xander again and ran his fingers through his hair. "So, um, you look… good," he finished lamely waving his hand at the young man's attire.

Xander looked at him with a goofy grin. "Really?" he said as he looked down at himself. "Fred chose them. She said that's what Wesley would choose. Not my style though." He shrugged.

"I know," Angel agreed nodding fast, eyes entirely focused on Xander's body trying to take it in all at once.

~ I NEVER saw Wes wearing anything like that, that's for sure! ~

Xander looked up watching Angel closely. "Are you checking me out, Angel?" he asked, eye narrowed in fake suspicious and he held a tone of seriousness but one could tell that he was joking.

Angel, who wasn't one good at getting jokes, shook his head nervously. "No! I wasn't … I …um…"

Xander chuckled. "Relax, Angel. I was joking. You know funny things that people say to invoke laughter." He shrugged. "Besides, you're not my type." The boy shook his head with amusement absorbing the overwrought Angel.

"I'm not?" Angel asked, his tone somewhat hurt.

~ Why am I even asking that?! ~

Xander furrowed his brows. He waved his hand in front of Angel's face. "Hello, Vampire? Remember me? Xander? The heavy weight champion and chairman of the board of the 'We Hate Vampires' club!" the brunet boy scoffed at the befuddled look on the vampire's face and looked down into the crib.

"Oh," Angel whispered watching Xander who was smiling at Spike warmly. "Wait," he began, "Why are you being so nice to Spike then? Even though he's a baby size now, he's still Spike."

"No," Xander denied, "He's not Spike, this is an innocent human baby who needs to be taken care of and Spike is a monster."

"Xander," Angel began, "You know that this baby *is* actually Spike, right? Sooner or later we're gonna find a cure and he'll be back to his formal exasperating self." He noticed how Xander's fingers stiffened on Spike's hair. "You're already getting too attached to his baby form. It'll be harder on you when you watch him turn back."

Xander stood there silently making Angel sigh. The vampire eyed him with compassion. He knew that Xander looked at Spike like a son, putting all the weirdness aside, and to think that this little baby was actually one of the creatures the young man always loathed since knowing of their existents was distressing. Angel feared that when they found out how to turn Spike back, Xander would not allow it and eventually run away with the baby thinking that he was rescuing his son from living a life as a monster.

"This kid might be the human Spike, in a way, but never the vampire," Angel heard Xander whisper quietly.

"We actually don't know if he's even a human," Angel stated earning a confused look from Xander. "All we know is that he has a heart beat, breaths and smells human. But that could also mean that he might be a dampire; a half vampire, half human creature."

Xander shuddered at that thought and looked down at the child. "But you said you could smell him, right? I mean, he looks like a human to me and …"

"He smells like one too, I just said so," Angel cut him off, "But that's not enough. Dampire's usually smell human."

Xander shook his head not understanding. "How can there be a half human, half vampire? I don't get that. Why haven't I heard of them before being one who had been around watchers a lot?"

Angel nodded explaining. "Because they are very rare, that is the result of how they are created. When a pregnant human mother gets turned and if the child she carries gets born before dying as a result of loosing his living supporter; the mother. The child becomes infected with the vampire blood as well and because it is very fragile, it affects it immensely however not to the effect of turning it as well because it is alive but giving it aspects of vampires non the less. Dampires have the strength, agility and senses of a vampire. It also has human traits like walking in sun light and being immune to religious items." Angel frowned. "None the less they still need to drink blood along with normal human nutrients, if they stop drinking blood they become sick and eventually die."

Xander looked from Angel to the peacefully sleeping baby. "Are they evil? You know with the drinking blood thing and all. Do they like go all grr too?"

Angel shook his head. "They do not have a demon face, no but they do acquire fangs when they need to feed or are angered. I don't know much more about them. I only ran into a couple of them once and that was a long time ago."

"You didn't answer my first question, are they evil?" Xander asked forcefully yet in a low voice not wanting to wake the young one.

Angel sighed. "I don't know… it's… complicated."

"Well un-complicate it!" Xander snapped then winched when Spike stirred. He watched the baby settle down then continued in a lower note, "You've met two of them and I bet you vamps talk among yourselves about your distant cousins, so spill."

"The two Darla and I met… were not very good, no. I doubt they were ever good in centuries," Angel recalled the meeting with distaste.

"Centuries? Whoa you're saying they're immortal too? Guess that comes with the vamp package huh?"

Angel nodded. "As for general talks… well they weren't good. You see vampires are considered the lower kind of hybrid and dampires are even lower in the eyes of the vampire clans. They are usually outcasts. They could be easily killed but that's not the reason. Most vampires and demons hate them as well as envy them. They could go out into the sun while others cannot. They are mostly Chasers or Hunters and because of their multitude of abilities other demons and humans pay them to kill."

Xander grimaced. "Sort of like hit men then." Then he forced a smile. "You’re a chatter box when you're being all Giles-y, you know."

The vampire gazed him with narrowed eyes not liking the change of subject. "So what are you going to do if you learn that he's a dampire? Hate him?"

Xander's eye didn't leave the child in the crib and Angel could tell that the young man was having some sort of conflict going on in his head. Xander tore his gaze from the baby and looked at Angel. "How do we know if he's a dampire?" he asked not daring to answer Angel's previous question afraid of his own answer.

Angel sighed reluctantly allowing the swerve around his question. "We'll do what we always do when we need answers," Angel said simply with a smile.

"Research," Xander nodded and smiled in return, "That I can do."

******

Cordelia smiled at Wesley and Gunn who both came to pick her up from the airport. She hugged them and gave them each a kiss on the cheek before following them to Gunn's truck. The three friends exchanged news of what they did on their short vacation. Gunn talked about his friends in the 'hood' and how he helped them clear out a couple of nests. Wesley talked about Fred's parents and what he and his girlfriend did in Texas. Cordelia talked about the hot weather in Florida and repeated for the hundredth time in answer to Gunn's constant questions that she did not find a man who held her interest there.

The men helped carry Cordelia's luggage into the hotel. Gunn grimaced at the large number of bags he and Wes carried. He was now sure he and Wesley made the right choice by coming together to pick her up.

~ Damn! Did she buy out all of Florida? This is three times as many bags she had when she went! ~ He thought with an irritated huff.

"Honey, I'm home!" Cordelia chirped as she entered the lobby, flaunting her new sun dress and obvious tan. Right behind her entered her two bag boys, grunting under the weight they were carrying. They dropped the stuff behind her and watched amused as Cordelia stood glaring and tapping her foot on the marble floor when the two people in the lobby paid her no attention whatsoever and continued to read, one from an open book and the other engrossed in the shining blue screen in front of her.

"Uhem!" Cordelia coughed not at all happy with being ignored.

"Well, look at you all tanned and wanting to be complemented!"

Cordelia's eyes widened at the voice she recognized immediately. She quickly turned and watched entranced as her once boyfriend Alexander LaVelle Harris looking like all her prayers to the gods of fashion had finally listened to her and gave him a sense of style. Even his hair looked better than the last time she saw him, combed at least with only a single strand of silky dark hair falling over his face barely covering his… eye batch!

Xander had been coming out of the kitchen where he had warmed a bottle of milk for baby Spike and of course making sure it was warm but not hot on his bare arm, ~ Won't mom be proud?! ~, when he heard a familiar screeching in the lobby. There she stood the woman he had once leniently claimed to be in love with. Even he couldn't deny that she looked really good, but for some reason that fact did not interest him much as is it would have years ago. Unknowingly, he fell back into old habits and greeted her in his special way.

The young man still holding the suckling child in his arms observed as his once girlfriend looked at him with something akin to… admiration? Xander blinked thinking that his one remaining eye was playing tricks on him. ~ Nope! It was still there, the shocked proud-ness in Queen C's eyes ~ He felt a little self conscious at the way Cordelia was looking at him it freakily reminded him of the way Angel was looking at him a few hours earlier. Suddenly, even though the musings took mere seconds, a traumatized look appeared in Cordelia's eyes. But before Xander could ask if there was anything wrong, she was standing in front of him on her tip toes trying to get a better look at his face.

"Alexander LaVelle Harris, what the hell is that on your face?!"

The loud shrieking, not to mention the uttering of Xander's name, brought the attention of the absorbed readers to the other two. Not to mention, caused Cordelia's two escorts to pay even more attention.

Before Xander could explain the eye patch story, another bawl trapped the striving actress's attention.

"Is that a baby?!" she pointed out the obvious.

"Yes, Cordelia that's a baby which was finally silent before you put him off eating with your infernal scream!" Xander yelled back as he tried to comfort Spike and get him to take the bottle's nipple again.

Before Cordelia could lash out on her verbal attack, Angel came to the rescue. "Xander lost his eye fighting," Angel said knowing full well that no woman could resist 'a hero who lost a limb fighting' story. And the fact that that was the truth saved him from being another victim of Cordelia's tongue if she found out he was lying was a plus.

Cordelia's eyes softened. "Oh Xander, I'm so sorry! I bet you were SO brave not to mention stupid to take on who ever the hell did that to you and if I found them they'd wish they stayed…"

"Buffy cut him in two," Xander said cutting the onslaught of words said on his behalf.

Cordelia pouted. "Damn! That girl has all the fun!"

At that time Spike lost interest in the adults and chose to go back to feeding but made sure he made a slurping sound just to make sure everyone's attention would go back to him.

Cordelia looked at the baby then at up Xander again. "Sorry Xan for missing your wedding, even though it never happened. I guess this is your and Anya's kid then, huh? So you two got back together then?" she asked.

Xander blinked and held back a laugh. He looked at Angel who was already gazing at him. "Yo, dark one! Care to handle this? I'm all talked out about that… and hey! You can show them your Giles thing!"

Angel nodded but allowed himself to frown at the Giles comment then commenced explaining the events that occurred and what the assumptions that they have had up to then about Spike's transformation. In the end Xander was surprised to see Wesley rub his hands together before heading to take care of reading the books Angel was looking over earlier. Cordelia looked concerned at Angel for some reason. And Gunn only asked if the kid was dangerous or would kill them when he suddenly grows up before he started to the main entrance muttering about stupid ex-watchers who preferred reading moldy old books and left him to carry princess' mammoth gear.

******

An hour later, Gunn submitted to research under the fact that he was plain bored and that if Cordelia wasn't going to have a vision or minions from the hellmouth weren't going to storm the hotel anytime soon the only thing left for him was looking through Wesley's musty old books with him and Angel. Meanwhile, Fred surfed the internet looking for similar incidences.

Cordelia refused to research claiming that if Spike's dad wasn't bothering himself to breathe in book dust, why should she? And steered past the fact that Xander was busy pacing back and forth in the lobby trying to calm the crying baby and only sat against the front desk filing her nails demanding that Xander's nosey baby to be quieted.

"Jeez, who would've thought that Spike could even be more annoying as a child with a limited vocabulary of the word 'da'?!"

"Well, jeez, Cordy, who would've thought that after all these years you're still bitchy CC," Xander raised his eye to look at her muttering.

Angel raised his head from the thousand year old tomb he was reading. "Actually she grew up somewhere but somehow she found her way back to her old ways," he remarked. This got a snicker from Wesley and Gunn who pointedly looked at Cordelia's returning dark hair for which they both received a smack on the head from a disapproving Fred. Xander, on the other hand, looked admirably at Angel never knowing that the vampire had such a sharp wit before. Angel only smiled at him before catching himself doing that and went back to look into his book not reading the words.

"I'm not one to agree with Cordelia but that wailing is rather distracting," Wesley commented to Xander.

Xander looked at him with a helpless look on his face. "Well, all knowing watcher, what shall you have me do?!" he asked sarcastically. "He doesn't want to eat, he doesn't need changing, and can I stress how thankful I am for that fact? Even Angel went 'grr' on him and that didn't help at all. I am stumped here!"

Wesley actually looked at a lose for words and fiddled with his glasses. Angel looked sympathetically at Xander. Whenever Connor had cried, he would do one of the things Xander mentioned but that didn't seem to be work here. Perhaps it had something to do with Spike's age?

The answer to their problems came from one unlikely source. "Maybe the kid just wants his blanky?" Gunn remarked flipping through the pages.

Cordelia stopped looking at her nails. "Wants a what?"

Gunn sighed closing the book then sneezed when some dust went into his nose. "Damn, English, don't you clean your book?!" When he stopped coughing he continued, "Well, when I babysat my niece and she wouldn't stop crying no matter what I did, I gave her her blanket and she would stop like that." He snapped his fingers.

"I doubt Spike has a blanket," Fred said with a smile.

"Oh, it doesn't have to be a blanket it just has to be something that he had had for a while."

Xander frowned. At that point he was willing to do anything. He was actually worried that his ears were beginning to melt. He worked his brain trying to remember what he had brought with his from Sunnydale that could work. An idea sprung to his mind quickly he dropped Spike in Angel's arms before running to the office. A few seconds later, surprised eyes watched as Xander came out with a duffle bag and placed it on the reception desk.

Xander remembered that he had left the bag in the office and one of the things in it could do the trick. As Spike's wailing got louder Xander started throwing the things in the bag over his head. Various kinds of clothes and rags flew into the lobby and the Fang Gang watched in wonder as item after item flew through the air. Xander continued to tear through the bag flinging all sorts of things all over the place.

A faint clinking sound was heard. Wesley stood up to inspect what caused that sound. As he neared the crazed Xander the brunet young man turned to him with a wide grin on his face holding something in his arms.

"Voila! Spike's infamous leather duster!" he said showing it to Wesley who looked at it with mild fascination before walking around the boy, who was still holding up the coat.

Xander actually pouted when Wesley paid his discovery no attention but was cut mid-pout by Angel's desperate growl. Quickly, he was beside the vampire who stood up and the two brunets carefully placed the flailing baby on the coat before wrapping it around him.

"Did I go deaf?" Fred asked blinking as the lobby fell into silence.

Angel and Xander shared a large grin and looked down at the baby held between them. Spike looked up blue eyes shining with something they could not discern. His blond head bore deeper into the leather surrounding and the two on lookers could've sworn that he breathed in its smell. That before his tiny fingers wrapped around the collar over his chest and proceeded with his favorite pastime, gnawing on the worn material.

"Eww, you don’t know where that was!" Cordelia pulled Spike's new chew toy away from his mouth. Xander and Angel cringed waiting for the infernal crying but nothing came. They looked down and saw shocked blue eyes looking at Cordelia who crossed her arms, the blue eyes quickly set off glaring at her.

"There, there, kido," Angel turned the baby's attention towards him. "No need to be angry with aunty Cord. She's just worries for your health, right Cordy?!" Angel looked at Cordelia willing her to play along.

Cordelia sighed. "Sure, I am. What aunt would I be if I let you get sick and barf all over your daddy?" she said smiling at Xander.

Xander was truly tempted to stick his tongue out at her but refrained, not wanting to set a bad example. He took Spike completely into his arms and went to sit besides Fred who started cooing trying to distract Spike from chewing the leather. Xander made up his mind; he was cleaning this duster the second the little one falls asleep.

"Angel, may I speak with you?" Wesley called out. He was looking at something in his hand with a frown.

"Sure Wes." Angel went to stand beside his friend. He quickly noticed what he was holding. "Hey, that's the amulet you gave me and I gave Buffy."

"And in turn she gave it to Spike, yes?" Wesley asked. Angel nodded. "This changes everything."

"Xander, do you know what this is?" Wesley asked holding the necklace for the one eyed boy to see.

"Yeah, I saw it next to Spike when I packed his bag. Never knew he was a fan of jewelry," Xander snickered and tickled the baby causing him to burble in laughter.

Wesley turned to Angel. "This was meant to be yours, to fight beside the slayer as her champion."

Angel shook his head. "She chose him as her champion. And maybe she was right. He had chosen to fight for his soul opposed to me who was cursed."

The ex-watcher took off his glasses then put them back on, lost in thought. "I have a book that I took out of the same vault where I found the pendant. I have to look through it but I think I know what happened."

With that he headed towards their library, found the book he was talking about, took it into the office and closed the door behind him.

Less than fifteen minutes had passed before Wesley exited the office. He asked the others to gather round for he had something of some importance to tell them.

"Looky here little one, your first meeting as a baby," Xander said to the child in his lap sucking on a pacifier that Fred gave him from the belongings that she and Xander had bought that morning.

"What's up, Wes? It's not bad, is it?!" Fred asked her boyfriend, worried.

Wesley shook his head. "It depends on how you look at it, but I think it isn't. I believe I have reached an explanation to how William the Bloody became a human child."

Gunn frowned. "So it doesn't have to do with that red haired witch chick?"

"No, it seems that Ms. Rosenberg has had no hand in what had happened to Spike."

"Then how…?" Angel looked down at the child wrapped in black on Xander's lap.

Wesley took off his glasses then quickly put them back on, reaching a decision. "You all saw the amulet, right?"

Everyone nodded. "I've found an amulet that was said that it would help the Slayer on the final battle with The First and in closing the Hellmouth; for it has a purifying power. However, it could only be worn by a champion hence sending it with Angel to Sunnydale. However it seems that Buffy had chosen her own champion, Spike, a vampire who had fought for his soul and gave him the amulet…"

"But the final battle hadn't…" Xander cut him off.

Wesley stopped him from continuing, "I know. The talisman was meant as a cleanser and to be used to close the Hellmouth. In my opinion, with the help of what Mr. Harris had mentioned earlier about finding it beside Spike, I believe he had worn it before the fight; and in turn, closed the Hellmouth. However, since closing it needs such great power and with the amulet's champion being far from the site itself it used up his demon's strength to compensate for the distance, with the demon inside him growing weaker and weaker until it completely disappeared."

"But if he lost his demon, the thing that made him a vampire, shouldn't he… I don't know… become dust? Coz ya'll know the human body could only function with the demon in it coz it's like dead and all?" Fred asked confused.

Wesley nodded and looked at Angel. "Uh, yes. Well this is where it depends on how you look at it. For all sense Spike should be dust, but it seems that he had qualified for shanshu and, well, won it."

"What?!"

"How?"

"What's a shanshu?"

The last was asked by Xander and in the between exclamations from both Cordelia and Gunn, Fred explained it to him in a few words. Strangely, the only one who hadn't said anything was Angel.

"Angel?" Wesley addressed him worried.

Angel blinked and looked at him before smiling. But before he was able to say anything Cordelia had a stake out.

"You're not evil, are you?!" she inquired. Xander backed away holding Spike protectively. The others did the same thing.

Angel calmly shook his head and gestured for them to sit down. "Buffy was right to choose Spike as her champion and no, I'm not angry or evil, so relax and let Wes finish."

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief and turned their attention back to Wesley who looked at them a bit timid.

"Um, well, I have nothing more to say," he whispered.

Fred jumped up and gave him a hug and a quick kiss. "That's all right sweetie!" Wesley looked surprised at the show of affection but when no one acted like anything wrong happened, he went with the flow and hugged her.

"Well if the lecture's over can I ask a question?" Xander raised his hand.

"Oh, of course Mr…"

"Wes, call me Xander, 'k?"

"Yes, um, Xander, you wanted to ask something?"

"Okay, now you say that the demon was used to close the Hellmouth, which by the way, I'm gonna make sure that happened by giving the gang a call in a few, what would have happened if Spike wore the amulet in the big bang not a few miles away from the school?"

"Uh, the Hellmouth would close still but the close proximity of it would be overwhelming on the amulet and would have had the strength to close the hellmouth and purify the area…"

"And by purifying you mean…?" Xander inquired.

"Basically… burning," Wesley offered.

"Cool, so all the UberVamps ol' Firsty was gonna release would've been turned into powder!" Xander said excitedly. He then frowned and asked slowly, "But Spike would've still turned into a baby, right?"

Wesley's face looked grim. "I highly doubt that. He would've burned perhaps less quickly than the other vampires considering he was wearing it but…"

"He would be extra dead," Xander finished dully.

Wesley nodded.

"So if I wore it I would have either been burned alive or turned into a human child," Angel mumbled not knowing which was worse, but no one paid any attention to him all lost in their own thoughts. Xander unconsciously held Spike closer to him as he complemented the fact that he couldn't be here with them if he had not worn his new pendant before the big show.

~ No one can deny that Spike is one lucky bastard! ~ Xander thought with a smile.

"Hey! Why did he shanshu a baby?" Angel broke them out of their thoughts.

Wesley looked uncomfortable looking sideways at Xander. "Well it seems that when that not so little deal that you'd made with Lilah changed the prophecy a little."

Angel blinked. "Oh," he whispered and said nothing more. There was an uncomfortable silence where everyone but Xander knew what Wesley was saying but said nothing.

"O-kay, I guess I better call Wills and give her the good news," Xander said cheerily then placed Spike in the careful hands of Angel and went to make the phone call.

Less than a minute later he returned with a frown.

"That was one quick call, Xan," Cordelia said.

Xander shook his head. "I don't know. She picked up but she seemed to be in a hurry, she said she'd explain soon and hung up. She didn't sound like there was trouble though."

Angel stood up and handed him Spike who was squirming in the confines of the duster wanting his dad.

"Then there's nothing to be worried about, Xander. If there were trouble she would've told you, right?" Angel said in a reassuring tone.

Xander nodded. "Yeah, yeah you're right."

"Da, da, da," baby Spike babbled waving his hands up at Xander soon after spitting the pacifier out of his mouth.

"Hey there little guy, da's here, time for beddie bye." Xander started towards the stairs, stopped then turned to look at Wesley. "You're saying his demon's dead? Is he gonna grow up normally?"

Wesley nodded. "I have no evidence to say that he will not. However, in this world of ours, nothing is written in stone."

Xander looked from him to the toddler in his arms and said nothing. He slowly ascended the stairs to their room.

******

Angel peeked around the door to Connor's room and looked inside. He watched as Xander changed Spike's diaper, talking the child through it. He smiled at the disgusted look that appeared on the young man's face as he took the dirty diaper and threw it in a small black trash bag and cleaned Spike up before placing a clean diaper on him.

Xander noticed Angel looking at him from the door and glared at the smirk that was residing on the vampires face. "Yeah, yeah, yeah laugh at the daddy handling the icky poop!" he said lobbing the trash bag to the other side of the changing table and picking Spike up to put him in his crib.

Angel walked to the crib and glanced down at the yawning baby. He smiled fondly running his fingers through the baby's soft short locks.

"Hey," The vampire turned at Xander who softly called him. The young man held out Angel's sweat pants and the outfit he had given Xander that morning when he and Fred had went shopping. "Thanks man," Xander said with a small shy grin.

Angel gave him a smile and waved the pants back. "Keep them, the shirt and pants looked good on you this morning."

Xander frowned. "But the dark look was never my style."

"Then let it be, you looked really good wearing that. And you better give up on wearing those bright clothes you always wore before."

Xander shrugged. "I can handle the dark look for a while I guess." Then he scowled at the vampire. "But I'm not going to quit wearing my beloved Hawaiian shirts coz you're saying so!"  Angel shrugged not caring and gazed down at the sleepy baby with a soft look on his face.

~ I did give up the whole Hawaiian thing a couple of years ago but no way am I admitting that to Broody! ~ Xander thought with a defiant stare thrown at Angel.

"Aren't you gonna sing now?" Angel asked smirking, jerking Xander from his reflections.

Xander raised an eyebrow. "Oh, dare I say you're looking forward to hear my pretty voice?"

"I just want to hear how well the boy, who mocked my singing voice, could sing, that's all," Angel replied shrugging, taking his eyes from the baby to look at the one eyed boy challengingly barely containing himself from crossing his arms Cordelia style.

"Yeah, well, whatever you say I sound much better than you!"

"Just sing!"

Xander looked down at the baby who looked back at him with heavy blue eyes with a thumb firmly in his little pouty mouth, and began to sing softly…

"I fall to pieces
Each time I see you again
I fall to pieces
How can I be just your friend?"

Unlike Xander yesterday, Angel barely held himself together for a few seconds and laughed loudly.  Xander gave him a death glare trying to hush him but Angel couldn't control himself, which got Spike to open his eyes wide and the young man noticed right away that he was about to cry, the eyes rapidly filling with tears a good clue. Xander immediately bent for the baby trying to soothe him and began singing to him, again, which was not the right thing to do if one considered Angel's helpless condition.

At last, Spike began to relax and yawned, Xander sighed with relief and glared up at Angel who had a stupid grin on his face. "You … the song … terrible," Angel whispered between residual laughs quietly so he wouldn't disturb Spike, again.

"Hey, the song's Patsy Cline's! You cannot laugh at that!" Xander protested angrily.

Angel with a measure of difficulty controlled himself. "It's not the song that… 'affected' me, it's the way you sang it. Your voice sounded strange trying to handle that tone." With that he began to snicker again.

"Like you’re the music expert! Quit it! You'll disturb Spi …" he trailed off looking at Angel, "I suppose Spike isn't the right name for a, now sort of proven, human baby."

Angel, quiet now, nodded. "Yeah, I think we should call him …" He looked down at the toddler and smiled softly. "…William, his real name."

Xander grinned. "Yeah, William is good."

They both looked down at drowsy little William who mumbled something softly. "So," Angel began quietly, "That was country music you just sang judging for the tone, right?"

"Yeah," he said throwing a glance at Angel. "I'm so impressed you knew that! Maybe there's a little music expert in you after all."

"It was obvious," he said in a bored tone looking at Xander. "I'm more intimidated that *you* listen to that kind of music, more specifically a depressing one. It doesn't strike me as your type."

Xander shrugged. "Well, when I'm down I tend to listen to sad country music especially when I get dumped or shunned or have problems in the land of romance...etc you know everyday stuff."

Angel didn't miss the bitterness in Xander's tone and asked, "So you and Anya are over for good?" At the confused look he got from Xander, he explained, "You know Cordy. She likes to gossip about what happens with you guys in Sunnydale after she chats with Willow."

Xander nodded. "Yeah, well, I tried to get back together with her but there were no spark-age like there used to. So we're officially over." He sighed. "She was gonna fight with them against the First," he spoke sadly earning a sympathetic look from Angel, "I hope what Wes said was true and that they're all gonna be okay."

Angel laid a hand on the young man's shoulder, "They will," he spoke faintly. The vampire was surprised when Xander didn't shake his hand off and just smiled up at him.

Xander, in an attempt to change the subject, gave the older man a pouting look, and said "So, I take it from the swaying and laughing that you didn't like my voice much?"

Angel's mouth twisted and was about to laugh until Xander raised a finger with a warning stare. "Don't do it if you know what's good for you mister!" the young man spoke firmly.

"It's just …" Angel shrugged feebly, "Your voice wasn't the best for the song."

"Oh, like yours is any better," Xander replied with defiance.

"I admitted that mine was bad."

"So did I."

"So what's the problem?"

"The problem is that I didn't laugh at you when you sang that Mandy song!" Xander retorted quietly to not disturb the drowsy child.

"Hey, I heard you murmuring Mandy this morning," Angel smirked recalling Xander trying hard not to mumble the words of the song in front of him.

"Because you kept repeating it yesterday, it just stuck in my head," Xander gave him a full-blown pout insisting it wasn't his fault the evil song refused to leave his head.

Angel raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, I confess I like Mandy but your voice still sucked at it."

"I totally agree," Angel confessed, happy that he won the part of the battle. "Hey, I have Barry Manilow's soundtracks if you wanna hear Mandy or any other songs of his?" the vampire offered.

"I wouldn’t mind if I do," Xander agreed then his eye gleamed with excitement. "Hey, we could sing them together to William and when he grows up he could sing them to us I never admitted it but Spike had a really good voice!" Xander said remembering the whole song and dance fiasco a year before that was unmistakably his fault.

Angel shook his head with a sulk. "I don't think he's going to."

"Why?"

"Cause he never did when he was his older self," Angel answered plainly. Spike always made fun of him whenever he was listening to that specific singer and that was a dangerous thing to do specially to Angelus. No one knew, other than Spike and Angel, that the reason Spike's back took so long to heal was because of his sire's punishments. Angel could still hear in silent nights Spike's screams as Angelus taught him, in his own way, how to never mock him. The blond vampire wasn't an easy one to break, unless the one doing the breaking was Angelus.

Unaware of Angel's tormenting thoughts, Xander shrugged. "Oh, well, we'll work on that as we raise him."

"We?" Angel asked surprised. "Does that mean you're staying here after Buffy and the others defeat The First?"

"I don't know," Xander answered with a shrug, "I mean, he thinks I'm his father and you are in a vampiric relating way the one who's got the right to raise him." He thought for a minute then smiled at Angel, "Maybe I'll stay."

"What about Buffy and the others? What about your life?"

"Well, my friends are gonna be in Sunnydale. Not that far, we can visit each other whenever we want, right? I actually don't have anything in Sunnydale, I can't have my old job cause I've got to have both eyes and I'm not dating so … no problemo!" Xander beamed up at Angel trying hard to hide the acrimony in his voice when he talked about not being able to accomplish his job anymore.

~ Completely useless… at least here with baby Wil I can do something right. ~

William gave a sigh and wiggled a bit, Xander looked down alarmed and exclaimed, "Better keep singing! I didn't clean the duster yet so it'll have to do." He was about to sing but paused looking up at Angel with a glower. "I think you'd better leave, since you can't handle the greatness that is my voice."

Angel nodded chuckling softly, "Guess I should." He bent down kissing William on the cheek. "'Night, Kiddo," The vampire whispered kindly then looked at Xander. "Good night, Xander."

"'Night, Demon-boy!"

Angel rolled his eyes at the nickname and headed to the door, as he exited, he closed the door quietly behind him. Xander smiled at the closed door then looked down at William. He pulled the crib close to his bed so he could sit on the edge of the bed. He stared at the child and sang…

"You want me to act
Like we've never kissed
You want me to forget
Pretend we've never met
And I try and I try
But I haven't yet
You walk by
And I fall to pieces"

~Part: 3~

The next day.

"Hello, Piglet."

"Oh, hi, Pooh, how are you today?"

"Very well, Piglet. I have enough honey that could last me this whole day if I only eat one per hour."

"B-but, Pooh, what are you doing standing there n-not moving?"

"I have fifteen and twenty-three seconds till my hours up, so I'm standing in the same spot coz if I move, there will be a time difference."

In the lobby of the hotel, Xander sat on the floor with William perched in front of him. With his back resting against the round gray settee and the little boy held upright by one of his outstretched legs he was performing a puppet show with the characters from Winnie the Pooh in front of him. The brunet knew how to imitate every character since he was *still* watching the cartoon, if apocalyptic and his high social life allowed. Unfortunately for the enthusiastic Xander, William seemed more interested in hitting the stuffed animals than watching or listening to Xander's made up production.

Xander kept playing and avoiding William's directed attacks at the defenseless dolls when a flash went on. Xander and William looked up in alarm to find Angel standing there holding a camera. "That's a cute picture for our family album," the vampire said taking the camera away from his face revealing a large sappy grin.

"You got a camera!" Xander exclaimed excitedly. He thought that it was a good idea to preserve a childhood in pictures. He sadly recalled the few photos he had as a child; which ironically were mostly taken by Willow's mother. Perhaps now he could re-experience his lost childhood memories by helping in preserving William's.

"Not just a camera," Angel began, displaying in the same enthusiasm as Xander. He proudly extended a plastic bag, bearing the logo of a well-known electronic store. "I also got a video camera!" he said showing the younger man the video camera and its equipments. He also had a stack of tapes, eagerly pointing to each one. "That's for his first crawl, his first walk, his first day in kindergarten ."

"His first not-scared-from-Angel's day," Xander teased and looked innocent when the vampire glared at him.

Angel looked around the lobby noting the large amount of toys. "So . that's a lot of toys," he tossed back, raising an eyebrow at Xander.

The young man look embarrassed. "Well, babies love toys, William is a baby.ergo, he needs toys.  'Sides, I don't like him chewing on Spike's duster and my shirts." After a grimace he continued, "Not to mention the accompanied slobber attack." Xander assumed that the attacking thing came from Spike and that the drool was pure Wil'.

"Uh huh," Angel nodded wisely. He held up a package that had the Play Station computer logo on it. "And I guess this one is for baby Xander?"

"Hey, leave that!" the one eyed boy shouted at the smirking vampire. "Think about it, William is gonna be the first kid his age to have a Play Station game. That's an important thing for kids," Xander pointed out talking from experience, the experience of not owning the new or best games when he was young that is.

"And we mustn't forget to satisfy your inner Child till the little guy develops the ability play with 'em," Angel said sardonically, earning a glare from the young man. "It's alright. You can buy anything . for William. As long as I'm gonna find enough money to feed and cloth us when I use my credit card," he added with a warning look.

~ Xander is a Cordy with a. *my* credit card with pricy games instead of fancy pricy clothes ~

Xander shrugged. "Don't worry about you not finding money coz I still have some," he mumbled. He didn't go on in explaining how it was a lot more fun spending the money the guy you always envied had instead of his own savings. "Besides, I don't want the kid to feel like there's something he can't get. When I was a kid, my dad couldn't stick to one job without getting fired. That's when he started staying home, drinking and bitching about how unfair things were. Mom was forced to work at the drive-thru. Which only got us what we needed of necessary clothes and food but no toys for 'the little boy'," he muttered bitterly. He recalled how his mother kept on telling him that he might get *that* toy fire truck on his seventh birthday which had been rapidly approaching, a toy, like so many others he was promised but didn't get.

Xander sighed looking up with his working eye at Angel. "Believe me, I know how it feels when you want something you can't get and it's not just with the playthings."

Angel approached the young man and the baby sitting in front of him. He bent down and started petting William's head, caressing the blond hair causing the toddler to gurgle happily. "He's very cute when he's not afraid of me," he said, playing with the honey curls.

"Well, that's because he's practically on my lap," Xander smirked. He chuckled when Angel gave him a flat, unfriendly look.

Angel looked around. "So where're the others?"

"Gunn and Fred are out and Cordy and Wes are in the office," Xander answered. He got to meet everyone earlier as they opened the agency at the crack of dawn. Unusually early for Xander, who was never an early riser, but who could blame him when he had a baby as an alarm clock. A baby that wanted to be fed. Xander had a tired look on his face. He had been up for such a long time with a child and wanted a little shut-eye. He sighed and held out Puppet Pooh for Wil' to take but the toddler kept reaching for Tigger and ignoring the rotund yellow bear.

"I think he likes the cat more," Angel supplied helpfully as he watched the two.

Xander narrowed his eyes. "It's a tiger named Tigger, thank you very much Mr. I-don't-know-jack.  He has to learn to like Pooh, kids like bears, it's in the kiddy rule book!" He nodded and pushed the bear in William's face to prove his point. He only got a scrunched face as an answer.

Angel raised an eyebrow, disdaining to say 'I told you so'. "Well Spike was always a cat person. He hated bears with a good reason concerning a not so pleasant encounter with one," he added vaguely. "Maybe it passed down."

Xander huffed. He didn't want to believe that young William had anything to do with Spike or his bear-phobia. Xander pouted and insisted, "A tiger, Angel. Know your cat family!" Trying to avoid the whole Spike thing all together.

Angel the youth. Reaching out, he gave the baby the toy he wanted causing him to squeal in delight.

"Isn't that a homey sight," a voice startled them and they all looked towards the doorway where Buffy stood feet parted her figure framed by the sunlight. She looked weary and exhausted but in a way had a triumphant aura about her.

Angel gaped still not believing she was standing at his doorstep. She gave him then Xander a large grin. "Buff.," he didn't get a chance to finish.  Abruptly Angel found his hands full with a wiggling, happily drooling baby.  Peering askance at the toothless child, he started smiling at the industrious way William was gnawing on his cat.no, the tiger.  Looking up, Angel saw the one eyed man dash over the steps and wrap his arms around the slayer in an effusive hug.

The little tot peered with wide-eyed interest at Buffy.

Xander pulled back, still holding on to her and looked her over. "None worse for wear but at least you didn't try the dead thing again." He grinned at her.

Buffy pouted looking down at her never to be worn again outfit and shrugged. "Yeah, well, after two or three times the dead thing becomes boring." She smiled up at her impishly friend.

Xander returned her smile. "What about the others?" he asked looking behind her to see if the rest were with her.

A sad look came over Buffy. "Most lived, but a few." she sighed. "It's a bit of a long-er I bet Giles would love to fill in the gaps." She noticed his worried look and she felt a pang in her chest. She placed her hand on his arm and squeezed. "Go. Willow and the others are getting our stuff. be macho man and help."

Xander didn't need to hear any further and raced outside looking for the redhead. That left Buffy to gaze at the Angel, her first vampire lover, who, coincidentally was at this very second holding a baby who not that long ago used to be her vampire number two lover. ~ Now that's a freaky thought! ~ She smiled softly approaching the two.

"I'm glad you agreed to this," she said pointing at nibbling ex-vampire. "Even though Spike was not your 'cup of tea' kind of guy it was great of you to agree on keeping an eye on the shrunken version of him."

Angel shrugged. "Well, to be honest, I wasn't going to at first. but in the end he is my childe," he spoke softly running his fingers through William's curls. A smile found itself a place on his lips when he felt the baby push back up to meet his caress. It seemed that Angel wasn't the only one warming to that idea.

Buffy stood in front of Angel, cooing at the child who was *still* chewing the Tigger doll happily as if it was made of chocolate. William hadn't spared her a single look after that first wondering stare.  He seemed to have lost interest in her.

She ran her fingers against his soft full pink cheek stroking tenderly. "It's hard to believe that Spike is actually this little adorable baby," she said softly. Attracting the baby's attention. Raising his huge blue eyes, William blinked up at her questioningly. She smiled fondly at him earning her a large grin from the child's mouth that was still rapped around the poor tiger's foot.

She leant closer to him. "Hello Spikey, aren't you the cutest little boy?"

"Uh ." Angel interrupted, "We're calling him William seeing as . it's a long story. And I know for sure that Wes would hurt me if I told it to you instead of him," he said shooting a glance towards the closed office door that held the ex-watcher and his ex-secretary. He felt a little bit of worry finding its way to him and gulped hoping that those two weren't up to something behind his back seeing that is had been a while since they left the office.

Buffy giggled bringing back his attention. "Well, I think I know most of it since Giles has been yapping about it all the time and also on the way over here. and you would know how bad it was since I was holding my nifty new weapon hard not wanting to see if it could solve evil cases of watcher yappin'! And did I just use the word 'yappin'' with 'Giles'?" she asked with a shocked frown.

Angel didn't even spare a second to wonder how much air her lungs could hold he was used to this Sunnydale treat by now. He grimaced mockingly at her question. "That tells me that you've been spending a lot more time with Spike than want I ever wanted to know about."

Buffy narrowed her eyes warningly at him in the international sign of 'drop it'. She rubbed her forehead with exhaustion and grimaced when her hand became covered with dust. Fighting a whole lot of very well coordinated *blind* Bringers then not even enjoying the five minutes of pro-victory celebration before frustratingly annoying government people/ lawyers jumped them and ambushed them into a boring meeting equivalent to a whole year of math class, it was amazing that she stayed alive not much less awake! She had only slept two hours while they were on their way to LA. She still didn't exactly know who survived and who didn't. The only ones she was sure about were her sister, Giles, Willow, Andrew and Wood who attend the boredom meetings with her, and Faith who bailed out on the meeting, but she doubted that the casualties were a big number.

Though she was relieved that the Hellmouth was eternally closed and she and her friends didn't fight the Uber Vamps, she was slightly disappointed. She had made all these plans, set up an army and had Willow do her huge spell. Using her nifty new-fangled scythe, the spell was geared to make every girl who was a potential into an active slayer. Not to mention all those motivational speeches!

All for nothing.

They could've killed those hordes of Bringers without all of the planning. It would have been harder but not impossible.

"You look tired," Angel's quiet comment came out of the blue and distracted her from her thoughts. He must have noticed the way her eyelids kept slipping closed.

Buffy looked up with a weary smile. "Try fighting an endless bunch of the First's Bringers for God knows how long then making sure with a blood ritual that the Hellmouth is closed followed by the boring-est meeting invented by the government, and tell me how you feel afterwards!" She yawned grinning. "We didn't have much sleep in the meeting either."

"At least you didn't fight those Uber vampires," Angel pointed out dryly.

"Call me crazy but I kinda got disappointed that the Hellmouth closed before the fight."

Angel smiled with actual relief. "I'm glad the Hellmouth is finally closed and the thing with The First too," he added honestly, after all, he was one of the First's victims years ago.

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, you don't have to be my second front anymore," she said with a smile. He smiled back. In their eyes was the memory of a time long ago when they were together, happy, in love. Even though they still loved one another, they knew their time had passed.  It was time to move on with their lives. Buffy dated others after they broke up. It was for the best. Angel had a thing for Cordelia and even if it wasn't love, back then he believed it was and he was okay with it. The same thing applied to Buffy when she dated Riley and her time with Spike the year before.

"Hate to interrupt the moment you two got going on, but little William there dropped his Tigger and he's about to blow up," Cordelia announced her presence, breaking the moment between the two. Angel looked down immediately at Wil, whose face was turning red and blotchy and was whimpering pitifully.

Buffy knelt down. With face filled of disgust picked up the 'droll-doll' and handed it to the baby. The child's face cleared up instantly. He, without a second hesitation, grabbed it and merrily started working on an arm.

"So, had a nice slay, Buffy?" Cordelia asked caustically. Her hands on her hips, and she stood there looking the same as she was in high school except for the slightly shorter hair. She raised an eyebrow looking distastefully at Buffy's tattered clothes.

Buffy shrugged. "Kinda, I'm looking for a bed right now. but I wouldn't mind risking it for a long shower." She nodded at the shower part fervently. Making it plain where her priorities lay.

Wesley came out of the office and noticed Buffy's presence. "Hello, Buffy," he greeted her casually with a smile.

Buffy looked him up and down. ~ Whoa, nice Wes! ~ She thought with surprised admiration. The ex-watcher was wearing a dark pair of jeans and a cream casual dress shirt; he had stubble on his face that made him look handsome in a manly way and was forgoing the usual glasses on his face as they were placed neatly in his front pocket. ~ Why didn't he look like this back in Sunnydale? ~ She turned a suspicious eye towards Cordelia who was now leafing, with evident boredom, through a magazine. ~ I wonder.? ~

"Hey, you." She couldn't help the leering that slipping into with her voice. God, she needed a boyfriend and needed one now! She was hitting on an ex-stuffy ex-watcher! Come to think of it, she and Spike hadn't had sex all this year; they didn't even kiss ~ damn stupid guilt-filled soul! ~

Cordelia raised her eyebrow, Angel frowned curiously at the tiny Slayer, taken aback by her tone. Wesley just blushed.

~ At least something didn't change, he's still easy to rile up. he's lucky he never met Spike pre-baby ~ Buffy thought grinning.

Wesley looked down a bit embarrassed. "So . uh where are the others?"

"I know Giles, Willow and Dawn are outside. The others went with Faith and Wood to Cleveland," Buffy answered, her face splitting into a huge yawn.

"Why didn't you let them rest here for a while before going off to Cleveland?" Angel asked without thinking. ~ Why did I say that? ~ Now he was thinking.

Buffy giggled noticing his change of expression. "I wasn't in charge of that. I was asleep all the way to L.A. but maybe because . you know. they're all slayers now. and. and don't need to rest much," she said with an all too casual shrug.

Cordelia crossed her arms. "And you're not?" she asked narrowing her eyes.

"Well I'm old . er . and they're young . ish .and peppy and I need the rest . with two deaths beneath my torn belt and all . oh forget it! I didn't have my own shower for months!" Buffy whined, her eyes nearly tearing up.

Cordelia's expression quickly changed into one of horrified concern as she ran to Buffy and held her. "Oh my god! Buffy I'm sorry I didn't know. That must have been awful!"

Buffy sniffled and nodded pathetically against Cordelia's shoulder. Angel and Wesley just gaped while little Wil' made a squealing sound.

Cordelia's nose scrunched when she smelled Buffy's hair. She backed away quickly and hit the blonde young woman on the shoulder. "Go shower now, you stink!"

Buffy's only response was to flash a wide grin. She turned and ran run up the stairs, two at a time.

******

The sun's strong rays hit Xander's face the moment he set foot outside the front door. It was considerably brighter than the hotel lobby.  He used his right arm to cover his sensitive eye from the direct sun as he searched the street. His gaze landed on the curb where Willow and Giles were waving goodbye to a retreating yellow school bus.

"Willow!" Xander called cheerfully racing towards his best friend. Willow turned around with a beaming wide smile of her own as she recognized his voice. Less than a second later she had her arms full of a giddy Xander who was embracing her tightly. She hugged him back, just as hard. Both of them let out a relieved sigh at finally being reunited.

"Why didn't you call me last night?" Xander asked with apprehension, his voice muffled by her hair. He refused to let her go.

"I'm sorry; it's just there was so much to do, what with government naggings and a mega draining spell." Her answer was muffled as well with her face pressed into a wide shoulder. After a few minutes they parted and smiled at each other knowing that now that they were together, somehow everything was going to be fine.

Willow gave a side glance which Xander followed. He saw Giles standing close by, looking slightly uncomfortable. Without hesitation Xander grabbed Giles into a manly bear hug not unlike the one he had wanted to give the older man, contemplated it, two years ago when Giles decided to leave Sunnydale.  There in the airport the gang had surprised the ex-watcher when he wanted to slip quietly to avoid any fuss from the kids. At that time Xander respected his wishes and listened to the girls.  He had not acted emotional in front their departing friend. No sense in making a sad occasion even worse. This time, however, none of that mattered and Xander gave the hug all he had poring his feelings of worry, fear and joy into it.

Thankfully Giles didn't seem to protest and threw the whole British thing to the wind as he hugged Xander back just as firm.

Xander backed away still looking at Giles. "So where are the others going?" he asked nodding at the direction where the bus seemed to be headed.

"Uh, well, that was Faith and Robin Wood accompanying the remaining slayers. They're heading to the second active Hellmouth where their services would be needed. Cleveland if I remember correctly," Giles answered rubbing his forehead tiredly.

Xander opened his mouth to ask another question but was interrupted by Willow.

"Dawn and Andrew went to a grocery store we passed on the way here. They said they needed some booster upper, after all that fighting with the Bringers. They ain't super boosted slayers you know," Willow was in full babble mood as she repeated what was clearly something Dawn would say.

~ Dawn whined is my guess. ~ Xander thought.

It was almost eerie how Willow managed to get the same inflection in her voice that the younger girl used. Xander smiled, happy to see some bits of the old Willow were peeking through. Whatever had occurred in Sunnydale seemed to have done her some good. He was glad that his friend seemed to get beyond what she had done the year before and was beginning to return to her old peppy non-dark-haired self.

"So where's Anya? Did she go with Faith and the others?" He couldn't hide his disappointment that Anya might have left before she saw him.  She could have at least let him know she was alright.  She knew that he still cared for her even after all that had happened.

Willow exchanged an anxious look with Giles. "Oh . uh  ..." She looked up at Xander sadly, tears threatened to pour from her green eyes. "Xander, Anya . she didn't make it." At Xander's stunned look she pulled him into her arms and gently embraced him, silently offering comfort. "I'm sorry, honey," she whispered.

Xander blinked away tears he didn't know had formed in his eye but his vision didn't stop blurring. Anya was gone. She was dead. His Anya! Along with all the fears he had that his friends could lose their lives in this battle, which he had before Wesley's explanation about the Hellmouth closing when Spike wore the amulet. Even then Xander wasn't sure and when he called Willow to ask she didn't confirm and seemed to be in a haste that really worried Xander. A worry that didn't dissipate until the moment he saw them all alive. well, almost all. That meant the Hellmouth had actually closed before *Xander* even left Sunnydale.

Xander's thoughts returned to the cause of his contemplations; Anya. He had never pictured Anya dead or even close to that. She had been the strong one in their former relationship. She had been the one to teach him all sorts of new things, albeit most were on the kinky side. Anya had been a demon with over a thousand years under her belt and less than six years as a new human, in no way was that fair! He vibrated from anger, shock and grief all combined.

Willow hugged him tighter and he appreciated the support. He also, distantly, felt who he assumed in his muffled mind as Giles holding his shoulder but he couldn't see to make sure. His eye was firmly shut and he didn't want to open it, he liked it that way. It helped him remember.

He remembered three years ago when Anya confessed her fear of dying, and how he always assured her by telling her that she would live a long and hopefully happy life by his side. He kept assuring her even after they broke up. But now she was gone. She had faced her most horrifying fear, alone, without him by her side, and now she was dead. He hadn't been there with her. Not when it happened. Not fighting by her side or holding her as she forced out her final breath.

Xander controlled his emotions, drawing on years of practice. He backed away, mentally and physically, from the comfort Willow and Giles offered. He looked at Willow's big worried eyes and tried to ask, "H  ... how did it ." He breathed heavily, "How did it happen?" He had to know. it was the least he could do.

"Andrew was with her when it happened. I'm sure he knows," she answered concerned wondering why her friend was refusing the comfort she was willing to give.

Xander kept his eye focusing on the increasingly hazy ground. It was hard to look at Willow's concerned green eyes and worried face and not to break down into a blubbering idiot. "Did you find the body?" he asked in an unsteady voice.

"I did," Giles answered quietly choosing that moment to speak. "After we discovered that the Hellmouth was closed everyone headed out of the school and Faith and I searched for bodies. That was when I found her... . body" There was no mistaking that Giles' tone held mourning. Anya had been his partner in the Magic Box; he had a lot of memories with her, working with her, not to mention the many times they fought together whenever something happened as it tended to on the Mouth of Hell.

"How did sh. her body look like?" Xander couldn't hide the slight cringe in his voice when he said those words. He didn't even know where he found the courage to actually ask that. Did he really want to know the answer?

Giles hesitated but knew it was Xander's right to know. "She was ."

"No," Xander interrupted abruptly changing his mind.  He shook his head. "I don't wanna know."

~ Coward!!! ~ His ears rang.

Willow nodded understandingly laying a hand on his arm.

Xander flinched but didn't pull away.

The three of them stood silently for a while before Giles coughed awkwardly, "I . I think I shall take what little baggage we have and head inside."

Xander nodded quietly hardly registering what Giles had said. The older man left quietly, leaving Xander and Willow standing there with her wordlessly comforting him by stroking his arm with a gentle steadiness.

Suddenly a loud screech fell upon their ears.

"*Xander*!!"

Startled, the two friends turned as one towards the source of that piercing shriek to observe Dawn racing towards them. The leggy, long-haired girl threw the bag of groceries she held at an already over loaded Andrew and scurried throwing herself in Xander's arms with a glad cry. His brown eye lost some of its deadness as warmth filled it. He held on to the young girl so hard he thought she would break any second but didn't care.

Dawn looked up at him. "I killed a Bringer!" she said with a big grin, though her eyes held a haunting deep pain at what she had been through.

Xander ran his hand through her long silky hair. "Good for you," he whispered with a tender smile.

Willow heaved most of the bags Andrew held. "C'mon, Dawnie," she said. "Let's get inside."

She divided the bags between Dawn and herself, and then guided the younger girl to the hotel. Sparing a worried glance at Xander's before letting the entrance door close behind them.

Andrew stood in front of Xander looking down at his feet. His guilt felled eyes refused to meet the taller man's gaze. "So," Xander began uneasily. "Willow told me you were there when it happened. Did you see how it .?" he couldn't finish the sentence. It was still hard referring to Anya as 'dead'.

Andrew kept his eyes down, unable to look at the other man. He knew what Xander was talking about; he had been dreading this moment for hours. "I . I was scared. I'm sorry."

Xander frowned at that sentence. "Did you see what happened?" he asked in louder tone, he really wanted to know how she died. It wasn't how she was killed what he wanted to know; it was how she was when it happened. "I mean was she..." ~ Scared? Was she looking for someone to help her? ~ He thought edgily.

Andrew finally looked up, his face set in solemn mask. An expression that Xander had never contemplated seeing on Andrew's face. "She was incredible. She died saving my life."

A small smile worked its way onto Xander's face. She wasn't scared. She was fighting. She was saving another person's life. She wasn't scared! He put his hand on Andrew's shoulder and nodded. "That's my girl. Always doing the stupid thing."

Andrew smiled a little and watched as Xander turned around heading inside the big hotel. He lied to the older man. He made up a story . again. Anya didn't sacrifice her life for him, but she did die fighting. And any lie had to be worth it if it was going to put that smile on someone's face. Perhaps he could use his powers for the forces of good?  Now Andrew smiled for real, feeling a little weight lifting off his chest. He entered the hotel with the groceries in his arms.

~ Wow, this hotel is way cool! ~

><><><><><><><><><

The hotel lobby was filled with bustling sounds. It felt strange to Angel but none the less welcoming. He knew these people. well except that blond kid, Tucker's brother, was it? And even though they all had a rough time back when, he had a feeling that that was all behind them now, along with the closing of the Hellmouth.

Angel frowned and searched the lobby with his eyes. Xander, Willow, Tucker's brother. Andrew and Dawn were gathered around William who seemed quite pleased with the attention. His eyes drifted to see Fred and Gunn standing at the reception area discussing whatever takeout they all had agreed on. Those two had just come in a few minutes earlier which was quite enough time to get to know everyone, except a still absent Buffy. At last his eyes got hold of who he was looking for. He pushed away from the wall he had been leaning against and coughed as he stepped into the office from the ajar door. Wesley and Giles raised their heads from reading something on the desk a startled look on their faces.

"Oh, Angel," Giles exclaimed straightening up and retrieving a handkerchief from his front pocket, he proceeded to wipe his glasses. That action caused Angel to raise an eyebrow because next to Giles Wesley began doing the same thing. The two noticed the look and turned to each other and in reflex replaced the napkins and the glasses, coughing trying to cover up their embarrassment.

"You wanted something, Angel?" Wesley asked.

Angel nodded. "Yes, the Hellmouth closing?"

The two ex-watchers nodded understandingly. Giles explained, "Wesley and I were going through that matter as you came in. It seems like we have it figured out. Perhaps if we can gather the others and explain it to them all would be best."

Angel started to nod before he was interrupted.

"You guys better wait before you give us the boring stuff."

The three looked towards the office door where Xander holding William in his arms stood. The brunet boy inclined his head towards the lobby and the three only then noticed that it was quiet. Taking a couple steps towards the door, Giles peered out.  He frowned in puzzlement at the sight of an empty lobby.

Giles furrowed his brow, turning to the young man "Where are they?"

Xander jerked his head to the side, indicating the stairs. "Baths. Showers. And clean soap. And maybe a pillow or two. They decided they better cover the basic need for cleanliness and sleep first. we decided to meet tonight after everyone rested and have Chinese and you guys can bore us with whatever lecture-y stuff you got in store."

"When did this happen?" Angel asked.

Xander grinned. "When Dawn went looking for Buffy to ask her what she wanted to eat she found our favorite Slayer all cleaned up and half way to la la land, I guess they chose to follow their leader."

Giles nodded in understanding and massaged his forehead. Xander noticed the lines of stress and weariness on the other man. "Go on Giles, you need a warm shower and some sleep and you'll be as good as new. There's like a hundred rooms in this place that aren't taken to choose from, it's like a hotel in here!" he encouraged with a smile.

Angel rolled his eyes.  Tempted to add 'It IS a hotel, you idiot!' but manfully refrained.

Giles wanted to object but a yawn escaped him. "I'm afraid that you have a point, Xander. Very well we shall meet tonight." He nodded and headed towards the stairs.

The three remaining stood, a somewhat uncomfortable silence between them.

"Um, well, I think it better that I help Cordy with the filing if we want to know where everything is," Wesley said awkwardly breaking the silence.

"I heard that, Mister!" Cordelia's screeching could be heard clearly. "You think you can do better?!"

Wesley gave them a smile. "I think that's my queue, excuse me." He exited the extra charged room.

Angel and Xander were left looking anywhere but at each other. The younger man was rocking on his feet unconsciously trying to calm William who was trying to move around in his arms.

Angel heaved a sigh and opened his mouth to say something but was stopped in his tracks. He wrinkled his nose, a grimace of distaste on his face. "Do you smell something?"

"Huh?" Xander frowned. "Smell what?"

Angel moved his head, his nose outstretched trying to detect where that ghastly smell was coming from. He was suddenly faced with a cloth clad bottom. He quickly stepped back as if the baby was toxic.

Xander's eye widened in horror when he saw Angel's reaction. He held the baby up to his face and gazed sternly at William

"Wil' did you go, *again*?" The child burbled happily. Squealing, the baby clapped his hands on Xander's cheeks.

Xander sighed looking at Angel. "At this rate you're gonna have to buy more diapers. God I miss demons that want to only kill you not make you play nanny with poo."

Angel blinked.

~ Was Connor like that? Maybe I blocked it out? ~

******

"Okay, stuffy guys, let's have it. I'm hungry and I wanna call for Chinese and I don't need you two making me lose my apatite. This is like my first real meal in two days!" Cordelia said in her usual blunt fashion. Already impatient with both Giles and Wesley, who in her opinion, were just standing there doing nothing but boring them all with silence.

Xander shook his head in amusement. In his heart he wished that Cordelia would always remain herself; she was unique and lovable in her own way. He didn't say that out loud; however, because Buffy and Willow had a marble ash tray on the coffee table right in front of them. He wouldn't put it pass one of them to hit him directly on the head. This was a bad thing in itself but more because Xander had William in his lap. In particular after how Cordelia had scrunched up her nose and made it known that she thought Buffy's clothes were bad and that Willow's hair was stinking up the place because she chose to sleep instead of showering earlier that day like everyone else then opted not to miss the ex-Watchers' lecture deciding talking then the long awaited shower after that.

They were gathered in the library/ lounge, which Gunn had proudly announced puffing his chest that he was fixing up. Xander noted the possibilities in the room, mainly the busted up old book cases and a reading desk which created half the room and the other half was made up of a two large couches in a corner with the glass coffee table in the middle.

Xander barely held himself from offering his assistance and advice to the black man. He missed working with his hands after losing his left eye. Unconsciously, he knew from the moment he met Gunn that they would quickly become friends and that his new friend wouldn't mind but in fact appreciate another handy-man in the building. The brunet envisioned them male bonding over hammers and nails and held back a chuckle. He sobered up remembering what stopped him from offering in the first place. He knew the project Gunn had in mind was going to take a lengthy amount of time to be complete. And he wasn't sure that he was staying that long.

Xander frowned at the sad feeling he got from thinking that he would perhaps leave his new accommodation, even though he had only been there for a mere two days! He quickly pushed down the uneasy feeling and chose to focus on Giles and Wesley.  The two men were nearly vibrating from suppressed excitement.

"Jeez, guys, let it out already or we're gonna have to clean up the mess!" Buffy groused, adding a teasing smile to show she was just joking.

"Um, yes, quite right Miss Summers, um Buffy." Wesley straightened his glasses. He couldn't believe how flustered he still got around that girl. It seemed like her presence conjured up echoes of his old self. He coughed to get his mind out of the past and into the present where everyone was looking at him expectantly. He quickly flushed when he saw Fred giving him a two thumbed sign. Helplessly as he knew then that he couldn't go on first he turned to Giles, who was standing by his side, for assistance.

The older gentleman smiled in understanding. He and Wesley had worked things out years ago and he understood him perfectly.

"I believe you all know why we are gathering?" Giles started.

"You want to tell us how Spike who was a vampyre closed the Hellmouth and become a human toddler!" Andrew answered excitedly. He blinked in confusion when he saw everyone looking at him with blank looks. He pouted. "Well, he asked," he mumbled.

"Uh, yes," Giles said with distaste. That annoying boy only served to remind him of a younger more aggravating version of Xander. "I, as some of you might already know, have developed a theory about the unexpected closing of the Hellmouth. I thought that it had a strong connection to do with the amulet Angel had given Buffy who in turn have given it to Spike. In fact after reviewing some things with Wesley we have come to believe that in all truth Spike had willingly changed for the cause."

He stopped talking anticipating their reactions.  The silence seemed to stretch for hours.  Suddenly a storm of questions and unidentifiable speech erupted. That lasted a few seconds before a low, animalistic growl put a stop to it.

"Enough!" Everyone gaped when they saw who it was even William let Tigger's tail slip out of his mouth in shock of the exclamation. Angel had on a hard look as he gazed around the room and faced their looks with a straight face as if it was of the norm.

The dark vampire turned his pensive eyes towards the two watchers. "Explain."

~ Wow look at the monosyllabic commander. look at me knowing fancy words! ~ Xander's mind even in state of calm-vampire-explosion shock had something snarky to say.

Giles took a deep breath to calm himself; that was too close to Angelus for his comfort. In hindsight, speaking so impulsively may not be the wisest choice of actions.

"Sorry. well as many of you are aware, some from previous experience, opening the Hellmouth needs a strong influx of power."

Willow nodded, a shudder running through her body as she remembered some of the many evils that they had faced who wanted to open the Mouth of Hell and unleash its venom upon the earth. A pang of guilt made her remember that she was once evil herself. but hey, at least she tried to destroy the earth instead of unleashing torment upon everyone else. Biting her lip, she chose to keep her optimistic thought to herself and focus on the lecture.

". the same process applies to closing it. But since the Hellmouth was somewhat open thus attracting all sorts of unsavory creatures, it was fairly easier than closing it. Closing it completely, without leaving any room for random destructive power to try to open again, it required stronger energy source. Unfortunately, even for the side of Good, there had to be a sacrifice . and Spike made it willingly."

Cordelia shook her head at Giles. "But that's where it doesn't fit in, why would Spike do it? If it were Angel I would get it but I knew Spike and he. "

Dawn felt her anger rise at that. "You didn't know the new him, Cordelia! If you stopped looking at yourself for one minute and listen you would have heard what great things Spike had done even before he had a soul which by the way he fought for 'willingly' *while* he was soulless. Can you say the same about Angel?!"

Angel felt himself cringe, why did they have to bring him into it? He had finally come to accept, though reluctantly, that Spike was a better man than him. He opened his mouth and closed it in confusion. What did he eat that tasted so bitter?

"Cat fight later. this is not as boring as I had dreaded." Buffy looked at both girls with warning in her eyes. Surprisingly both girls relented and leaned back from their staring competition.

"Thank you, Buffy," Giles said dryly.

Buffy grinned. "You're welcome!"

"When Cordelia had, politely I might add, interrupted, I was going to explain that statement. In researching the texts that Wesley had retrieved from Wolfram & Hart, we found that the amulet had a specific purpose. Yes, it was meant to be worn by a someone ensouled, but stronger than human, a champion, to function correctly, but what it was failed to be mentioned was that it was specially made to be worn by a creature that possessed both human and demon aspects."

"Which fit this Spike dude since he was a vampire; demon possessing a human body who happened to be soul-ed," Gunn supplied getting on track.

Wesley nodded. "Exactly," he said then looked at Giles who gestured for him to continue. "You see what was more important, and actually very intriguing, was that this amulet was made by a half-breed good warlock who made it especially for this cause."

"So no way I could've used it?" Buffy asked. "It had to be either Angel or Spike?"

Wesley nodded and shook his head at the same time which was quite a task. "I'm afraid neither you or Angel could have used it. the only one who had fit the prophecy was Spike."

"Whoa there was a prophecy? On Spike?!" Xander beat Angel to ask the question that the vampire was dying, again, to ask.

"Oh, have we not mentioned that?" Wesley looked at Giles who shrugged. The younger English man sighed. "Actually he had one on him, and no it's not the Shanshu." The last statement was made for Angel's benefit. He looked at the Scoobies and said, "Don't ask."

He wasn't sure that Angel even wanted Buffy to know about his chance of becoming human one day.  He left the choice of the telling to the vampire even though he knew his friend so well that he knew Angel wouldn't say a thing. To illustrate his point Angel had gave Xander a silencing glance and the young man had complied without hesitation something that wasn't at all surprising for the boy never was a fan of those two, Buffy and Angel, together.

"In the prophecy, it was said that whoever wears the amulet would help the slayer in her final battle with the First Evil. In closing the Hellmouth, it was cleansed. But what I failed to realize before, and with Rupert's assistance, we found that Spike's choice was imperative for the prophecy to be fulfilled. I mean by his choice, I'm referring to both the soul and the demon. That is why Angel couldn't be the one."

Everyone turned their heads and looked at Angel, realization clear in their eyes. The large vampire shrunk back in his perch on the desk at their scrutiny and mumbled, "It's true. Angelus wouldn't have agreed."

Xander returned them to the topic that he most cared about namely not Angel. "What about this reward thing? Is there anything more to it?"

Giles stepped up to answer that, "Strange that you would ask that Xander. In our research we have discovered that something similar to this event had happened before.  Some thousand and plus years ago, several people turned their back on their evil ways and gave their lives for fighting the good fight. The Powers That Be, as a reward, gave back their life.  By that I mean, they returned them to the age of an infant. A time where they would live their lives differently, in a better way, free of their memory. When they reach the age where they have passed away, their memory would be returned. Thus the person would have the right to choose their path. Good versus evil."

"That's horrible!" Eyes locked on Willow who blushed. "Well, I mean, they live all their life knowing one thing then all of a sudden they face another life where the were bad. It a little overwhelming is all I think."

"The powers are kind of unique in that department," Angel said with a sigh. "That means Spike, William, is going to regain his memory twenty three years from now."

"Why then? He's like over a hundred years old right?" Fred asked looking at Wesley for confirmation.
 

"Yes, Fred. But Angel is correct, if William, the human Spike, had died in that age I mean," Wesley replied looking at Angel who nodded.

"Yes, that's how old he was when Dru brought him to me, plus the year Wil is now," The dark haired vampire answered distractedly as he found himself in another place and time where Drusilla was all so happy because of her lovely boy. He shook his head to bring himself back when he felt his heart long for easer times.

"Then human William dies at the young age of twenty-four." Xander commented. Not only surprising everyone else but even himself, for paying attention. "So he's not a whatcha-ma-call-it, dampire? He's human?" he asked remembering his conversation with Angel that seemed a long time ago.

Giles shook his head. "No he is not a dampire that we are sure of. He is more likely a human. But the texts about the previous incidents weren't very clear on what they were."

Xander nodded, accepting what the older man was saying.  Yet somehow relieved that Wil wasn't a dampire.   He unconsciously pulled young William closer.

"In short, Spike's a hero; he saved the world and got himself a reward for his trouble!" Buffy stated summarizing what Giles and Wesley had said in her own way.

Angel looked down at the baby on Xander's lap and he felt a case of lose for words. He didn't know whether to be proud of what his grandchilde had accomplished or become jealous that Spike had saved the world instead of him. So he chose the first because it was true.  Besides, he was relieved that his Shanshu was still up for grabs.

"Well is that all then?" Cordelia asked standing up. When she got no answer she clapped her hands, "Good it's about time! I'm calling for Chinese!" She headed rapidly for the door just in case someone decided to start talking again.

Gunn and Fred shrugged and followed her. Andrew was right on their tracks. "I'll help. I know Chinese!"

Willow jumped up. "I want egg rolls, wooden chopsticks and noodles!" she called out. A few hair strands fell on her face and she grimaced. "But first a clean shower, sheesh Cordelia was right, I stink!"

Buffy followed her with Dawn at her side. "Maybe, but she wasn't right about my outfit!"

Giles and Wesley collected their books and exited still conversing. . That only left Angel, Xander and the baby still in the room. The vampire pushed off the desk and stood in front of Xander.

"You coming?" he asked. "You don't want to be late if the food comes, Fred and Gunn eat like five people and Fred is three of them."

Xander looked up and couldn't help smile. "You joked, you have changed!" He scratched his head. "I'll be out in a minute. just need to collect my thoughts."

Angel nodded and moved towards the door. He stopped and turned. "I'll tell you when the food is here." He smiled softly then left.

******

Sitting on the sofa in the library, Xander wasn't sure of what he had heard. Should he be happy for William? Happy that Wil was officially 100% human or should he feel sad because he would turn into Spike after twenty-three years from now? It's not that William would turn into a vampire; he would still be a human when he becomes twenty-four. That wasn't what was upsetting Xander, but was the fact that when William gets Spike's memories he would gain his personality as well. He would be a human Spike. ~ Why should this upset me? ~ Xander thought bewildered. ~ It's not like I really care about him. I mean yeah I do care . a little. But that's because he's a baby. People could not just dislike babies! ~

He looked down at the blond head that was bending down to play with the Tigger doll in his hands. ~ Or to tear it up? ~ Xander thought fondly as he watched William tugging lustily on the sturdy, well-made doll.

"Hey!"

Xander looked up and saw Willow entering through the library doors.

The redhead sat beside him, which was when he noticed her glistening wet hair pulled up in a pony tail and could smell shampoo wafting from her closeness.

"That was one quick shower Wills," Xander commented glancing at her hair.

Willow frowned in confusion. "I've been in the shower for over thirty minutes, Xan! Since the meeting of 'All That Is Good' was adjourned, didn't you notice?"

"Oh, really, I haven't noticed." Xander shrugged faintly. Since the meeting ended and everyone left the library he hadn't moved from his spot on the couch. He had distractedly played with the baby on his lap while his mind tried to process what Giles and Wesley had revealed. apparently over half an hour ago.

Spike, both demon and soul, chose to sacrifice himself for them all.  He was meant to die as a sacrifice to cleanse the Hellmouth and close it for all time. He was awarded a second chance at life because of his selfless act. A fresh start and a clean slate. He would live his human life until his 24th birthday, undisturbed by his previous life. On the eve of that day, his memory would be returned to him.  The same age he had died and became a vampire.

What surprised Xander the most wasn't that Spike had chose with a clear mind to die for the world, that didn't mean it hadn't surprised him a little but not much for he had fought shoulder to shoulder with the vampire after Buffy died, but that he was rewarded for it. It was a first for any of them. They had fought for over seven years for the forces of Good. Yet all they received was pain and the death of loved ones, Jesse, Buffy ~ but we got her back, twice! ~ Miss Calendar, Tara, Joyce ~ Natural reasons or not it was not right! ~ Anya! What was the point? Yes there was the satisfaction of doing the right thing but a little recognition would have been nice! All Xander knew was that Spike was one lucky bastard, he had the chance to start from square one and do it right. He ran his fingers through the baby's short blond hair and sighed.

~ The Hellmouth .it's closed. Maybe this is when we start to cash in our rewards too ~

Willow couldn't help but bend down and baby-talk with William which brought Xander out of his reflection. The young man smiled at his best friend and joined her in baby-talking. William's reaction was to giggle and gurgle, obviously happy with the two playing with him.

Willow looked up at Xander. "I just can't believe that this baby is actually Spike!" she exclaimed in amusement.

"Yeah, all this cuteness can't be a Spike thing," Xander mumbled. His tone didn't match the way his fingers played with the honey curls.

Willow chose to ignore the cruel comments Xander always had for Spike. She instead gave him a worried look. "How are you holding up?"

"What?" Xander turned looking confusedly at her.

"With Anya's death? Are you okay?" Willow asked remembering how he reacted earlier that day before to she left him to speak with Andrew.

Xander looked down again at the baby. He was trying to avoid thinking about Anya, at least until William was a sleep. He knew he would break down and he didn't like to cry in front of anyone. Of all the humiliation he had over the years, having everyone witnessing him crying would be the level where he would lose all his points for manliness. He would wallow over his ex-fiancée later.

"I'm coping," he whispered answering her.

Willow ran her hand over his arm consolingly. He smiled sadly appreciating the support. After a little while of silence, Willow asked, "Are you coming with us?"

"Of course, I'll go to Ahn's funeral along with the others. You think since we broke up that I ."

"No, Xander," she cut him off shaking her head. "I meant when we leave for Europe. Are you coming with us?"

Xander blinked. "Europe?"

"Yeah, since they're shutting down Sunnydale, we'll be going to London with Giles. We'll be looking for the new slayers all over the world. We're gonna build our Central on the place of the Watchers' Council; I heard the lease is less coz of the explosion. I'm asking you, since I've seen how attached you are to William. I was guessing that ." her babbling was cut off.

"What? That I'm not gonna be there for you coz of a baby-sitting job?!" Xander couldn't help the accusing tone of his voice and rocked William automatically when he felt the child start to fret.

"I didn't say that, Xander," Willow assured her upset friend. She didn't mean to question Xander's loyalty nor his worth either. She knew how Xander easily became hurt at any mention of him being left out of any Scooby activities. It was the not-having-super-strength-or-magic-powers issue that always got him to think of himself as a useless outsider. After he lost his eye, Xander had gotten even more sensitive over that subject. Ever since he discovered that he couldn't perform as a construction worker anymore, because coordination was very much needed for working the site and she knew how much her friend hated the desk job.

"It's just that it's all still blue print there, Xan. Only Giles and I will be finding books that haven't been lost in the explosion and the scattered watchers that didn't die. As for Buffy and Dawn I think they'll mostly take a break and sightsee. And, so, it won't be a big a deal if you chose not to come with now, especially that you seem to be bonding with Spike-baby."

"Oh. I get it now, I guess." Xander looked down and picked up Piglet waving it in front of William until the baby slapped it away which caused him to chuckle at the expected reaction.

Willow sighed. She was glad that some of Xander's tension melted. "So . you're going?"

Xander shrugged and looked down at William who noticed him looking and gave him a cute baby grin. He knew that William cared for him as a Dad, but did *Xander* care that much for little Wil'? He obviously did, but did he care much that he would be parted from his friends for the closeness of the child. At first it wasn't that big of a deal, they had been in Sunnydale and he could visit them on the weekends or have them visit. It wasn't that far. But now it was different. They would be in Europe, a long distance away. He couldn't just hop into a car and visit.

"Maybe," he whispered not sure what his final answer was.

Angel stood by the library door. He was busy listening into Xander and Willow's conversation. He didn't understand why he felt unhappy about the boy's unsure answer. It had been only two days and he was beginning to get used to . who was he kidding? He began to like Xander's company. It wouldn't be the same without Xander's cheerful presence, and what about William? His little boy responded to Xander better than anyone, or was Xander thinking of taking the baby with him?

~ He can't do that! ~ He thought with a mental growl. He took a deep breath and poked his head into the room. "Chinese is here!"

><><><><><><><><><

"Hey give that back!"

Dawn turned to Xander and pouted. "I just wanted to play," she whined.

Xander chuckled. "Tigger is Wil's new friend you won't be able to come between them." They were hanging in Xander's room and playing with William on Xander's bed. "Although he comes second best to the Duster come bed time, it's a sure way to calm him. Thankfully, our little stripped pal and Wil' are now so attached that we don't need to haul the duster everywhere making sure it was clean because the little one had a passion of chewing stuff with his toothless gums."

Dawn giggled. She looked at the baby hugging the stuffed animal and she knew she hadn't seen anything as cute. That was when William raised his head and blinked his big blue eyes at her. Silence filled the room as they stared at each other.

Xander frowned and looked between the two. He noticed Dawn biting her bottom lip as tears slowly filled her eyes.

He placed his hand on hers. "Dawnie?"

The brunette girl started and looked at him, her face stricken. "I never said sorry," she said with a choked whispered.

Xander leaned in wanting to question her but she turned away to continue looking at the toddler who still found her interesting. "He has his eyes." She chuckled bitterly. "'Course he does, it's him, right? Or that's what I got from the retired English men seminar."

"In away," Xander replied sulkily. "But he's an innocent child until he gets back Spike's memories." He paused a little, "Until then he's just Wil'."

Dawn turned wide suffering eyes towards him. "But that's so far away. he has to know how sorry I am."

Xander shook his head. "You lost me at the starting line, Dawn. Sorry?"

The growing girl looked down ashamed. "When you told me about. what he did. when he came back I threatened him. I told him to stay away from Buffy or I would set him on fire."

Xander squeezed her hand. "Well he deserved it." He was cut off when Dawn snatched her hand away from his hold and looked at him with anger, directed both at him and herself.

"But we didn't know. You know he was there when Buffy died, he took care of me and that's how I repaid him. He was suffering after he got his soul back and even when I found out about it, I still wouldn't talk with him. He would look at me with that sad look on his face and then try to avoid me. I made him do that, coz I didn't even bother to ask. To know!"

"Know what?! Dawn, we know more than plenty about what he."

"No! Buffy told me. She told me when she thought the big fight was coming after you two left for LA, she told me about everything. How *she* used him as much as he used her even more coz he really loved her and she knew that and used it against him. She told me that what happened was as much as her fault as his. That she drove him to that. and that she forgave him. and that I should too coz he didn't really mean it, that it just happened, didn't even happen either because she stopped him. She told me about the look in his eyes when he realized what he almost did. how at that time she was too angry to care but that then she realized that he was shocked and disgusted. That that it was the reason why he fought for his soul, coz he wanted to punish himself. She said that they had worked things out and that they were friends. and that she knew that Spike and I were too and she guessed from they way we acted that something happened. So I told her and she explained. Buffy said that if we
 lived through what the First had prepared for us and when Spike gets back to big old self, that I should apologies and fix things. but. "

"But what?!" Xander cut her breathless rant off trying hard to make his voice at level. "*He* tried to rape her! Rape her, Dawnie! As in force himself on her, do things to her against her well! He's a rapist! We don't forgive rapists!" He was so angry that he raised his voice somewhere in the middle of his talking causing William to wince a little and he quickly lowered his voice.

Dawn nodded. "I know, but that was before he got his soul."

Xander chuckled humorlessly and shook his head. "What is it with you Summers' thinking a soul would make a person evil-less? He's a vampire Dawnie and that's enough to not trust him."

Dawn frowned. "Really? Then why are you being all friendly with another vampire with a soul that we all know?"

"I'm not being friendly to Angel," Xander protested. "I'm not," he repeated at the look she gave him.

"Spike changed Xander. Didn't you realize that in the last year?" she asked with a sigh.

"I don't give a damn. You can't just trust a demon just coz he has a soul." He looked at her. "This is the way that I feel, Dawn, whatever you say you won't change it."

The girl looked down. "Then respect mine," she said. "This is the way that I feel about Spike and if I realized it sooner I would have apologized . but now it's too late," she hiccupped.

Anger vanishing away, Xander wrapped his arm around her and she hid her face in his shoulder. After a minute of silent, he asked in a low voice, "What did Buffy say exactly about their. *thing*?"

Dawn pulled back and wiped at her face with the back of her hand. "Nothing much. Just that it was bad and that she used him to make her feel after the, you know, Heaven thing." She shrugged.

Xander felt a strong pang of guilt hit him. The reminder of bringing back Buffy always made his chest ache with disgust. He could have stopped Willow if he wasn't too weak to believe her unreasonable excuse. He looked at Dawn who was crying for a worthless vampire. It made him real angry but it still broke his heart to see Dawnie crying, he raised his hand and used his fingers to wipe some tear drops that Dawn missed.

"It's not hopeless you know," he said trying to ease her heartache. "According to G-man and Mini-Giles, Spike will be back in," he looked at his wristwatch. "Twenty-three years give or take a few."

Dawn scrunched her nose. "That means I'll be like very old by then! I'd be senile and forget to tell him!"

Xander laughed out loud and hugged her lovingly. "I doubt you'd be me on the other hand. maybe you should remind me to." Dawn blinked at him. Xander only grinned in response before he leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "Somehow I think Spike knows you were just being an upset kid."

"Hey!" Dawn slapped at him but he ducked so she picked a pillow and slammed it into him. "You'll see if I remind you, Grandpa!" That caused them both to laugh.

William turned his eyes from one brunet to the other. He puffed his face. They weren't paying him any attention and that wouldn't do. There was only one thing left to do.

"Da!" Add a pair of unblinking huge baby blue eyes.

"GOD! Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?!!" Dawn squealed and pinched William's cheek. "You're adorable aren't you, yes you are!"

Xander shook his head with a chuckle. "Wil's a babe magnet. I'm thinking long afternoons in the park with baby blue eyes here and I'll get me a harem!"

Dawn sighed and brought her face closer to the baby's level. "You better not help your dad find a date or Angel'll have to call us so we'd come and save him from getting killed, again!"

"Hey! I resent that!" Dawn raised her eyebrows at the denial. Xander nodded in affirmation. "Yeah *you* never saved me."

Dawn tapped her finger. "Time will tell."

"Wil' defend my honor!" Xander looked at the baby for assistance.

William ignored him and continued playing with Dawn's hair. Dawn gave Xander a triumphed look. and stuck out her tongue.

Xander shrugged. "You better watch out for those pretty locks of yours, he's a sucker for. well sucking!"

"You're just jealous that he chose my side!"

"As if! I'm his dada, tell her William!"

The playful banter could be heard from outside. It could be heard even more clearly if one had advanced vampire hearing and was standing by the door listening like Angel was apparently doing.

The vampire heard someone coming down the hall so he pushed away from the wall and entered his room. He had been listening for signs that Xander intended to leave and was taking William with him but he hadn't heard anything about that. He had clearly heard what they said, what Xander had said, about Spike and Buffy and what Spike almost did. Angel couldn't deny the rage he felt but reminded himself of what Dawn had said about Buffy's involvement which served to minimize his anger for Spike and instead turned it towards Buffy. He shook his head. That kind of thought was reserved for his brooding time, which was not now. It didn't help either that Xander was still venomously set on his way of thinking about demons and vampires. He sighed. He had to focus.

The only good news he had found was when Dawn alleged that Xander's future date would try to kill him and that he, Angel, would have to call them, in London most likely, to inform them. That meant that Dawn presumed Xander was staying. But what was even better was that Xander hadn't denied staying. Perhaps there was hope, Angel pondered. Nevertheless, all would be clear, when the Sunnydale people were scheduled to leave, tomorrow.

******

Since everyone loved Chinese they were having it again for lunch. This time Andrew was allowed to practice his Chinese language which almost got them all raw squid and sake. Thankfully Wesley was there to save the day, however, everyone was devastated when it was established that the Chinese place didn't delver sake.

When lunch came Xander was distracted. He kept seeing Angel with his video camera taping every move young William makes. He knew then that the option of taking him with him was impossible. The brunet noticed how much the vampire doted on the child and it was clear to everyone that Angel loved him dearly.  Xander was never one to break between a father and son and that's what William was becoming for Angel. Even if he still distrusted the vampire. He assumed that Angel's feelings had something to do with William actually being Spike and Angel, in his usual guilty self, remembered how terrible he treated his grandchilde.  Perhaps for him it was a second chance to make up for past wrongs.  But sometimes when Xander looked at the vampire, he would see something.  The one eyed man felt there was something more to that but never dared to ask. The question of the moment was, however, was he going to leave?

Everyone was seated around the table in the dining room except Wil' who was seated directly on the table. During the meal, Xander noticed Angel, who refrained from eating on the grounds the he was a vampire and wasn't anything like Spike, video taping them. Actually it was mainly the baby having enjoying his food, or playing with it at least.

"Angel, what are you doing?" Cordelia asked fussing with her hair when she saw the camcorder.

Angel answered sheepishly, "Well, look at him, he's SO cute!"

"So you're liking cute things now?" Cordelia asked with a raised eyebrow. The tall vampire only glared at her from behind the lens. He got an eye roll for his trouble.

Giles was seated next to Xander, who was directly in front of William. After the little child finished dissecting his food, he started staring at Giles' plate. He was sitting an inch too close to for the ex-Watcher's taste. The toddler reached out and took an egg roll off the plate. Ignoring the older man's protest, the baby started sucking on it. Giles glared at him whilst the woman and Angel 'ooh-ed' and 'aah-ed'.

"I never liked him," Giles said still eyeing his lost egg roll.

"You better not be planning anything, mister!" Buffy warned him.

Giles caught her angered eyes and had the decency to look ashamed as he recalled his role aiding Wood in taking out his vengeance.

The others tuned in when they noticed the tension between the two, even the Scoobies didn't know about what had happened. Strangely the opening question came from Xander.

"What's that suppose to mean, G-man?"

Giles let the name slip and sighed as he resigned in telling the story. Buffy remained silent during the whole account of the events letting her mentor explain it all on his own.

When he was done there was a short number of seconds of peaceful silence before the room erupted into anger and accusations were thrown at the Watcher. Even Cordelia who didn't care much for Spike didn't want to be excluded since she thought that if Giles could've killed a souled Spike, would he do the same to Angel? The only people who remained silent were Buffy, Fred, Gunn and Wesley while the rest showed their extreme resentment to Giles. The last three because they felt they were out of their league in this and Buffy because she believed that she had said all that was needed to be said to her watcher on that day.

Xander and Angel were the loudest voices to be heard, but the moment Xander realized what he was doing, he stopped shouting. He had a short moment of confusion over his reasons for being angry at his father figure. Could it be his talk with Dawn and all the good that Spike had done to aid them before and after the soul had affected him? He shook his head, ~ Nah! ~ . His eye drifted to the baby still holding the egg roll in his mouth studying the grownups around him with amusement and Xander knew that was reason enough.

Giles remained quite and took their anger knowing that he deserved it all. For if he and Robin Wood had succeeded for all he knew they wouldn't all be alive this day.

"Okay guys, timeout!" Buffy quieted them all. "What Giles did was wrong, he thought he was doing the right thing for me, for us all, but he was wrong, he made a mistake and misjudged Spike. Who around here can't relate? Uh, well except you guys." She pointed at Wesley, Fred and Gunn's direction.

Scoobies and ex-slayerettes had the decency to look ashamed. They caught each others' look and low chuckles were heard. As different as they all were they at least had one thing in common!

"Okay, subject change!" Willow cut the awkwardness. She turned to Xander who was at her left. "So, Xan, did you decide if you were coming with after tomorrow's services?"

Willow was asking Xander if he would leave with them for London and the new Council after the funerals and the closing of Sunnydale. Xander hesitated in giving his answer. He closed his eye in thought. He knew that if he left he had to leave William here since no way did he see Angel letting go of the little one. And if he stayed he would miss his friends. It was a hard decision to make.

William decided to help. He turned his head to the brunet boy's direction and noticed his worry. The little boy turned and crawled slowly on all fours until he was sitting diaper clad tushie and all directly on Xander's empty plate. Xander turned away from his red headed friend and opened his eye when he noticed the commotion. He opened his mouth intending to question the child about his presence on his plate be it empty or not. His mouth remained open, no words coming out when wide baby blue eyes looked up at him with such adoration. William opened his mouth letting the droll covered egg roll slip out. A chubby hand was extended holding out the soaking roll towards Xander. A small sound came out of the child's mouth,

"Da da!"

A moment of silence fell before a several set of, 'Aww's were heard from all over the table. Xander felt misty-eyed. He took the offering careful of the wetness and placed it on a napkin before picking up the baby for a loving hug. Angel circled the two, camera still covering his face. To anyone who didn't know him, he gave the impression of a professional, hard at work.

The vampire pulled back the camcorder to say, "Now that was cute!" and quickly resumed taping.

Xander put Wil down on the table. He had made his decision. "I am staying!" he announced loudly everybody heard. Angel lowered the camera looking at Xander with astonishment.  A feeling which was not only matched by the Sunnydale crew but doubled as their mouths fell open.

Willow looked at him in disbelief. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

Xander looked at his best friend with a smile. "Yes, I am. I mean, he calls me 'Dada' for Gods sake!"

"Da da!" William exclaimed reaffirming what Xander said. He picked up another egg roll this time from Willow's takeout, which was in his short arms reach, and held it out to Xander, knowing that it had his Dada's approval. Xander chuckled fondly. "Thanks, Wil'," he said accepting the offering of egg roll. He was thankful that this one was slob free, and threw it whole in his mouth. William giggled and reached to take one more egg roll.

~ Oh, God, he won't stop until the takeout is empty! ~ Xander moaned in his head. ~ What did that book that Fred gave me say about encouraging a child? ~

"So, you're staying?" a voice behind him asked.

Xander turned around to be greeted by Angel's somewhat pleased expression, though Xander knew that the vampire was having a hard time holding it in. He was about to throw a sarcastic comment around the lines of 'Something wrong with your vamp-boy ears?' but couldn't bring himself to say it because of the hopeful gleam that was unmistakably shining in Angel's brown eyes.

~ I mean we are supposed to observe anomalies not drive them away, right? ~

He smiled at the older brunet. "Yes I am," he answered earning himself a big grin from the vampire. Angel took no time in replacing the camera in front of his face and continued recording the toddler who was still holding out a treat to Xander's irritation.

Hours later, everyone was watching what Angel taped on the library TV. Everyone gave out big 'Aww's when they saw Xander reading a Goofy and Max story to William as a bed time story and what made them all laugh was that Xander was actually imitating the voices of the characters of Goof Troop, or at least trying to.

"When did you tape this?" Xander exclaimed amazed.

Angel grinned. "I saw Dawn leaving your room yesterday and I knew something sweet would happen so ." The vampire left out the details of him listening to Xander and Dawn's conversation.

"You bet! I'm always sweet!" Xander grinned widely.

Cordelia poked him in the side. "I think he was talking about the baby."

Xander stuck his tongue out at her. Cordelia blinked. "Oh, my mistake," she said before turning back to look at the television.

Afterwards, there was shot of William crawling then failing to stand up before falling on his bottom. His face puffed up in annoyance at his failure and the crowd went wild with the adorableness of it all. Angel smiled tenderly and whispered for Xander to hear. "Our kid."

Xander turned to gaze, his eye widening at the comment. Angel's own eyes were never wavered from the TV set but a soft smile graced his lips. Xander looked at the TV again and it was when Wil' gave him the first egg roll calling him 'Da'. As he considered Angel's words, Xander's heart started beating fast and he sensed his emotions rise for he knew in his heart that it was true. Weird as it was, William belonged to them. He was theirs.

******

"So you're sure you'll be okay?" Xander asked anxiously for what seemed to be the millionth time.

Angel rolled his eyes. "Yes, Xander. William's dislike for me was a faze. We're as happy as hens in a henhouse."

Xander shook his head, getting sidetracked by that odd comment. "I don't know about that. I never knew what that meant. Why would they be happy trapped."

"Xander!" Angel interrupted him startling the child in his arms. The vampire fixed his hold on the child before continuing. "You're only gonna be gone for one day. I know how to take care of a baby."

Xander frowned. "How would you. it's not like you ever had a baby of your own. Or did you?!" He looked interested while Angel fidgeted. "I know you never married when you were human. but who knows perhaps you knocked up an unsuspecting maiden, heh?"

Angel sighed. "No. Xander the others are waiting and I don't like standing in the doorway less than a meter away from direct sunlight. Now tell Wil you'll see him soon and go pay your respects!" he ordered exasperatedly.

Xander pouted. "Fine! But I better not come back home and find that the little one lost half his body weight from starvation. You know where the baby food is, right?"

Angel banged his head against the wooden door frame. Xander's question almost squashed the funny feeling Angel got in his stomach every time Xander called the baby by Angel's old nickname for William.  And when Xander said 'home', the feeling was still there, just accompanied by head pain. The tall man stopped banging his head which caused William to stop giggling at his actions.

"I know where everything is, Xander. I've watched you take care of Wil for two days and even passed the emergency diaper change drill you gave me with an A+ if I remember correctly not to mention William actually finished his meal on *my* watch! Now go!" Angel pushed at Xander with one free arm while still holding on to the toddler.

"Ok, ok, bye Wil'. See ya soon!" Xander kissed the baby's golden head.

"Da!" Angel and Xander grinned at each other.

"Oh, isn't that sweet. It's like mommy and baby are saying their goodbyes to daddy who's going on a trip," Cordelia chuckled from behind them.

Xander and Angel magically conjured a distance between each other and managed not to kill Cordelia. for the sake of innocent eyes.

Xander and Angel exchanged quick manly goodbyes before Xander picked his overnight bag and headed for the street. At the curb there were two taxies. Willow, Buffy and Xander were to take the first one and Giles, Dawn and Andrew the second. Instead of going to his taxi, Xander stopped next to Andrew who was loading luggage.

"Andrew."

Andrew raised his head then quickly looked away when he saw who it was. "Oh, hi, Xander."

Xander placed his hand on the blond boy's shoulder encouraging him to look at him. "Listen, man, you're gonna look after them all for me, ok? They're my girls and Giles is like the old man I wish I had . I'm trusting you to take my place. You up to it?"

Andrew opened and closed his mouth for several seconds before any sound came out, it was safe to say he was in shock. "Y-yeah, you bet!" He nodded vigorously a large grin on his face. "I'll try not to disappoint you, Xander!"

Xander patted his shoulder. "I trust you not to." They both headed to their respective cars before Xander yelled back, "Oh, and no lame jokes!"

******

A day later, Xander found himself back in the hotel courtesy of a nice taxi driver who was too drunk to ask him for money. However, Xander didn't know that when he drove off with him.

The young man entered his room feeling drained as he sat his small bag on the floor and yawned with exhaustion. He just got back from Sunnydale where Willow, Buffy, Dawn, Giles, Andrew and himself attended Anya's funeral along with Amanda's and that Chinese's girl whom he just knew that her name was Chao-Ahn. He knew that the other young slayers would've wanted to be there with them in the small funeral, but they were needed in Cleveland.

He didn't mind the small number of them. It was nice to have only the people you care about there with you when you're down. Anya was buried next to Joyce's and Tara's grave, a place where he, Buffy and Willow might visit together in the future. The thing that got to him was the quietness in Sunnydale; the town was never like this. Empty. Lifeless. Lonely.

He still hadn't cried or even shed a single tear since Willow told him about Anya's death three days before.  He couldn't, not with everybody being around him every single second. He considered crying alone in his room before they left to Sunnydale but with William asleep few feats away from his bed, it was impossible. He didn't even have the opportunity to cry all the way to L.A. since Willow insisted on riding with him in his cab all the way before joining the others in theirs.  When they reached L.A, Willow and the others would head off to Cleveland. And there they wanted to make sure all was going smooth before taking the next plane to London. It all was so tiring, just thinking about it made him want to lay down and sleep.

Grabbing his bag from the floor, he placed it on the bed.  He frowned, looking towards the bathroom door. He was sure he heard sounds something from there. Ever the slayerette, he picked up a trusty baseball bat that was resting against his closet. He would have to ask someone about that.  Slowly he opened the door, the bat raised high, only to stand flabbergasted.

Angel, the big fearsome towering vampire, was in the bathtub with a baby William. A bathtub filled with bubbles and a flouting yellow rubber ducky. But that wasn't what shocked Xander, who had seen more than a man three times his age, what shocked him was that the two plus century old vampire was singing a song about a rubber ducky. And he was sure he heard that song some years ago on Sesame Street as a child!

He stood by the door and a smile of amusement took the place of his shocked expression.  It grew bigger.

Angel was taking a bath with William! ~ Bath with bubbles . and a yellow rubber ducky and .. Was Angel singing with the ducky?!! ~ Xander thought with his eye big and round like a Japanese cartoon character.

Angel suddenly looked up and noticed the bat with a raised eyebrow. "Tough time on the 'closed' Hellmouth?"

Xander looked at the still posed 'weapon' and placed it against the wall.

~ I can handle this! I can SO handle this, I mean I've seen a demon with its head between its legs singing jingle bells! ~

Xander placed a grin one his face. "Nope, Hell free Sunnydale!" and resumed grinning in silence, repeating his inner mantra.

Angel waved his hand at the large tub, in silent invitation. "Care to join us," he asked calmly when he noticed Xander's unwavering stare. Though he was so embarrassed he actually considered dunking his head under the water the moment Xander entered.   However, he chose to take the manly way and pretend he was not embarrassed or fazed that he was caught in a bubble bath with a child, a yellow duck and singing a song from a children's TV show. What better to show how cool you are by asking the one who found you, to join you? Spread the embarrassment around, there was plenty enough to go around.

Xander's answer was a raised brow of amusement and Angel was thankful that vampires couldn't blush. Any other way he pretended to be cool and didn't squirm a bit.

~ Oh yeah I'm doing Angelus proud! ~

"Thanks," said Xander, "But I think I'll just stand right here."

He couldn't help but notice how the water was rising and falling over Angel's perfect chest leaving some bubbles on its wake that surrounded the hard nipples. Angel was a handsome man. Xander couldn't deny it, he had said it before out loud once to his chagrin. That was his first opinion about the vampire from the moment he saw him seven years ago and it hadn't change one bit. He smiled at the charming picture in front of him. Angel was looking like the attractive single father playing with his cute little son, which was the scene that should be taped!

~ God! I'm getting Angel's filming bug! ~

Angel noticed Xander smiling at him and his shyness increased. ~ Again! Thank God vampires can't blush! Am I even a vampire? This is so humiliating ~ He had to say something right now before he said something that would embarrass them both.

Angel chose plan B for his second approach, "How was the funeral?" which was changing the subject. The one good thing of living in Sunnydale, you acquire the qualities of denial.

~ Idiot, idiot, idiot! Anything but that! Anything but that! ~ Angel scowled furiously at himself when the sad look returned to Xander's previously laughing face. The young man shrugged uneasily. "It was hard, but well . okay. It was okay." Xander smiled. "All her friends were there, she wasn't alone."

Angel smiled as if he somehow understood. He then pointed at him trying to get William's attention from trying to open his mouth wide enough to accommodate the duck to Xander. "Hey, look there Wil! Look who's back!"

William finally noticed him and splattered more water into the bathroom's floor with excitement. "Da! Da!"

Xander grinned goofily and walked forwards and tapped the toddler's wet head. "Hey there, little one. You obviously missed me."

Angel smiled at the laughter that danced in the young man's eye. He was glad that William's laughter and babble could temporarily banish the shattered look in Xander's eye.  Ever since learning of Anya's death, it seemed as if almost nothing could cheer the boy up.  Except William's laughing innocence.

After a few minutes, a heavy silence invaded the room; even William was getting tired and stopped splashing and playing. To cut the quietness Angel coughed, and looking up at Xander, he gestured at the baby in his lap. "I think we should get him to bed."

Xander nodded slowly. "Yeah, I feel tired too."

Angel looked at the young man, noting the lines of weariness on the boy's face. "You should get some sleep."

"Think I'm gonna go change for bed," Xander said with a small smile. He stood mutely and left the bathroom and Angel just wanted to kick himself.  The young man was here, laughing and smiling, *happy*.  And he almost ruined everything by mentioning the funeral. The fact that he was getting really concerned about Xander was starting to worry him.

A few minutes later, Angel exited with William both of them fully dressed in their bed clothes. He placed William in his warm crib and noticed Xander blinking sleepily at them. Angel smiled softly and pulled a chair closer. He started singing a soft Gaelic song. He didn't miss the small smile that curved Xander's lips as he slept and the vampire felt pleased with himself for some reason.

~Part: 4~

"Yeah Wil', that's it … just a couple of steps to go… c'mon!" Xander encouraged Wil' who was slowly walking towards him, barely keeping his balance.

The toddler was eagerly trying to reach his Dada's open arms. Unfortunately, he fell on his butt before he reached his goal. William pouted up wide-eyed at Dada and raised his small arms, with a little whimper, desperate to be picked up.

Xander sighed disappointed and lifted him up. Giggling, as if his plan was achieved, Wil' reached up pulled at the 'beloved' eye patch before letting go making it smack against Xander's face. William squealed at the sound. The young man, used to this game by now, smiled with a wince.

"Hey, Angel-Cakes's got himself some new clients?!"

Startled, Xander turned towards the cheery sound. His eye widened with fear. He clutched Wil' to his chest and held on tightly, because; by the Hyperion entrance stood the most horrifying demon he had ever seen, and he had seen his share. It was green skinned with small red horns on it's head, a pointy nose and chin, and that was all fine and dandy… a step up from half the demons he had met and had tried to kill him… BUT this one had the brightest clothes ever! So bright that Xander feared his only eye would go blind too, not to mention, that the somewhat lime gold suit completely clashed with the green complexion.

Xander finally over looking at the frightening attire, to stare into the red eyes of the demon who was frowning with … concern?

He realized that this wasn't the time to find out. William's wellbeing was within a stone's throw.

~ What? ~ Xander shook his head. It wasn't the time to figure out analogies.

"Angel!!" he yelled to the office door. "There's a green demon with radioactive clothes at the door!"

Peacefully reading in his office, Angel heard Xander's yelling. He threw the book aside and rushed to the rescue.

"Hurry Angel! I'll distract him! You take Wil' and run!"

Angel stopped mid lunge, however, it wasn't because he caught the sight of Lorne. He turned with a puckered brow towards Xander. "Why am I the one to run?"

"Chat later! Take Wil' and go!" Xander inched closer but his gaze still bored into the intruder.

Lorne chuckled, moving forward. "Who's this cutey Angel-Cakes?"

Xander blinked. "Angel-Cakes?" he whispered turning to look at Angel. "You're his cake? You swing that way with shiny green demons now? Why didn't you tell me?!" He glared at the vampire angrily, inching away, as he started planning run away with Wil'. He was not going to let the kid live with Angel and his green baby-eating demon lover.

~ Yes! Demons who wear funny clothes love to eat babies, just look at Olaf! ~ Xander nodded doggedly. The brunet boy narrowed his eye, checking the demon for a large hammer.

He heard Angel sighing. "This is Lorne, Xander. He's a peaceful demon who likes to call people by pastry names. *And* he's not my lover."

"Yeah, Chocolate-Cake, unfortunately." Lorne, feeling a little disappointed at Angel's rejection, smiled at Xander, already dubbing him with nickname.

Xander strangely or not had relaxed when Angel explained the new arrival in his tormented vampire bored tones. As a true native Sunnydalian he went with the flow. "So… if I'm Chocolate-Cake, what's Gunn?"

"Gunn's Kiwi," Lorne said grinning. "But I don't call him that way much. He's mostly Gunn, Charles and Charlie or Charlie-boy on a good day. He's an angry fella, don't wanna get on his bad side. His posse had wrecked my club once, not that I wasn't used to it by then, but I'm not gonna tempt him."

~ He has a club? Cool… wonder if he'd let me drink? ~ Xander thought dreamily. So the green … Lorne was afraid of strong angry people? That made him sound … harmless.

~ Wait a minute! ~ Xander looked at Angel with a frown.

"What about him? Aren't you worried he'd run havoc in your club?" Xander pointed at the bored looking vampire.

"Nah, he won't. He's already too guilty about the first two. Of course, Gunn's should count as number three but since Tall Dark and Broods-some had saved my and Fredykins' lives… he's off the hook there."

Xander hummed and nodded interested. Angel rolled his eyes.

"And what do we have here?" He grinned down at the child in Xander's arms.

William squealed when Xander held him up for Lorne to see. "My, aren't you the true definition of baby blue eyes!" Lorne tickled William's tummy and the toddler gurgled happily at the fresh attention.

"Why don't you give us a note sugar so I'd be fully informed huh?"

Xander frowned. "What?"

Angel explained, "Lorne reads people's auras when they sing. He sort of sees their path, past, present and future."

Xander's eye seemed interested before it clouded. He didn't really want to know his future. What if he was going to lose Wil'? What if Wil' was going to turn out …?

"Don't need anyone to give me and Wil's fortune." He looked between the two and stepped towards the stairs with William's head tucked protectively under his chin. "He needs a change." And without any further explanation he went up the stairs.

Angel watched them ascending silently with calculating eyes. He turned to an amused but still waiting Lorne and explained everything that had happened with shortness that was worthy of him. The red-eyed seer gazed deeply into Angel causing the vampire to feel somewhat uncomfortable but kept himself from flinching. Lorne nodded satisfied before heading up the hotel stairs himself.

******

On his way to his dwellings, Lorne had stopped near Connor's old room. A soft voice singing could be heard through the slightly ajar door. The green demon couldn't help but listen. Sad childhood memories passed before his seeing eyes, a crying child who couldn't understand why his mommy and daddy weren't as cheerful as those kids' parents in sitcoms.

The child's life wasn't that bad though, it needed only two kids to make it better. He followed as memories of the three little children growing up with grins on their innocent faces not aware of what life had in store for them.

Losing one of those two best friends to the beasts of nightmare come to being had made life so clear for young Xander. Lorne could see, even after he searched deeply, only two colors in the human's mind, black and white, fighting heatedly every chance they had for blending.

No gray. No silver lining.

A vision like an old torn photograph, flashed in his head at the end, separated into the two so very different colors.  Xander was drowning in the white while Angel was in the black. The crib that held William was in-between the two. It was the only thing that joined the two… that held the photo from completely tearing.

"Why are you standing here?"

Lorne almost jumped, startled, looking over his shoulder at a curious Angel.

"Don't do that again, Pumpkin! My heart somersaulted to my stomach."

Angel ignored his response and glanced at the slightly open door, raising his eyebrows at Lorne. "Were you listening to Xander singing?"

Lorne shrugged unconcerned, defying the jumble of emotion that settled inside him after his vision. "Yes," he answered simply.

"What did you see?" the brunet vampire exclaimed with barely held excitement.

Lorne chuckled shaking his head. "Angel, Angel, you know me more than that. I don't listen and tell."

"Oh c'mon Lorne!" Angel tried the sad tortured puppy look. The situation called for desperate measures.

"No," the green demon shook his finger and moved away, he couldn't let Angel know how his resolve weakened at that look. That was another thing in common with their new little tenant if the look inside his life meant anything.

Angel groaned and grabbed Lorne’s upper arm stopping him. “C’mon, Lorne. If Xander and I are going to work together to help raise William for the next 23 years till Spike gets his memories back I need to know what Xander thinks about me and this situation with Wil.”

Lorne turned to face the vampire sighing, leave it for the big bad vampire to guilt him by a toddler. "I’ll just give you a word of warning, Cupcake. The boy doesn't see that many colors, particularly concerning vampires."

Angel sighed regrettably. "I know he doesn't like vampires, he had a bad experience." He recalled with accuracy the days of Angelus in Sunnydale, and how he had intended killing Xander and his friends as a thank you present for the slayer.

"It wasn't you, you know," the reassuring sentence dragged Angel out of his memories to look confused at a smiling Lorne. "You should talk to him, Angel. Leaving things like that won't be good for you, him and mostly baby blue eyes. If you two really want to go through with this My Two Dads renewal you shouldn't keep anything from each other."

Angel took in the words in shock. It wasn’t him? Lorne seemed serious that he needed to discuss things with Xander. The vampire had learned to trust his friend's advice. "You're right. Xander and I need to have a straight forward talk."

“Guys?”

Angel and Lorne jumped together, turning their heads to stare at an amused Xander standing by the door with William in his arms. The little one looked even more amused than Xander, sucking on his little finger and blinking with big bright eyes at the conspiring two.

Lorne wiped imaginary sweat from his forehead. “I can’t handle this, my poor ticker has been jolted to jump start one too many times. I doubt I'll be able to sit down for hours till it settles down!" he said with exuberance.

Xander grinned entertained. "How so?"

Angel rolled his eyes before Lorne could explain. "Lorne's heart is in his bottom."

Xander snickered. "Wouldn't you like to be in his place Dead-boy. That way no one would dare stake you if it meant going… there!" He acted disgusted at the mere mention of it. William giggled and squealed. "See even Wil agrees!" Xander grinned down at the baby and tickled his tummy making more 'happy baby laughter'.

Instead of feeling indignant, Angel felt a small smile appear at the happy sight. However, Lorne's discreet nudge brought him out of it. He looked at Lorne and then back at Xander before coughing to catch the boy's attention.

"Uh, Xander, we need to talk."

Xander raised his twinkling eye and opened his mouth.

Angel held his hand to stop him. "Don't even think of saying that. I've been manhandled by Cordy and Fred to watch enough chick flicks to know what you're going to say!"

Xander pouted. "You don't let me have no fun anymore."

Angel groaned. "Xander."

The brunet human sighed. "Fine, let's 'talk' while I feed Wil his bottle."

Angel shook his head. "No, I need your full attention for this. Let Lorne take care of that while we talk downstairs."

Xander looked between the two, unsure. "I don't know…" He had only just met Lorne. As cool as he seemed, Xander didn't know if he could trust him.

Angel seemed to have noticed Xander's reluctance. "I trust Lorne with my life Xander, as do the others. Besides, he's great with kids." Angel was speaking from personal experience. Nevertheless, as much as Lorne wanted him to share everything with Xander he knew neither of them was ready for that revelation.

Xander sighed. "Fine." He hesitantly held out the baby to Lorne. The green demon's red eyes were widening with excitement as William was slowly getting closer to his reach. Angel watched the slow motion with obvious boredom barely holding himself from sighing and checking his watch.

Suddenly, Xander drew the baby back, holding him close. Lorne's excited eyes blinked dumbly at him. Angel looked exasperated at the brunet boy, "Xander!"

"No, I just forgot to get the bottle," Xander excused himself and ran inside the room.

"But, but," Lorne stammered, still blinking his hands still raised with nothing but empty air in their hold.

Moments later, Xander came back with the bottle. He handed it to Lorne with a beam.

Lorne gradually took the bottle. "Thanks but … I *was* going into the room with the little Nibble anyway."

Xander looked at him, feeling completely thrown. "Oh." He tried to cover up his actions, "The milk's already warmed!"

Angel rolled his eyes, something he seemed to implement a lot of late. He took William from Xander's arms and handed him to Lorne. After that, he dragged a reluctant Xander downstairs to have their privet talk.

Finally, in the lobby, Angel took a breath and looked at Xander before speaking.

However, Xander's gaze seemed more interested in the stairs than his important soon to commence conversation.

Angel caught himself before rolling his eyes again and diminishing his IQ ten points. "Xander, please, Wil' is fine. Lorne is a very peaceful creature, as peaceful as they come even, he won't hurt him. Sometimes we worry that he could be taken down by a small child." He sighed bothered for more than one reason. "Now please listen to me because this is really important."

Xander looked at Angel, worry still clouding his eye. "Sorry, uh … start talking."

Angel sighed relieved and looked down, not sure where to start. "Alright, now both of us know how intense our relationship has been in the past due to you not trusting my kind."

He looked up to see if Xander was getting where he was going with that but found him staring at the stairs again. Apparently steps posed a more interesting subject than what he was about to reveal. How did Lorne expect him to do this?

Anger caused his game face to appear, he was about to yell, before a loud howl cut him off. He and Xander looked up in unison when they heard the shriek.

"It's Lorne!"

Xander didn’t stop to think at Angel's exclamation and how that level of sound could come from the demon. But he hurried to catch up to the vampire ascending the stairs with his incredible speed.

Xander slammed into Angel's back. The vampire had stood in the doorway doing nothing. He did his fair imitation of a growl and pushed the shell-shocked vampire out of the way. He only took a few steps inside before he stood gaping at the sight as well.

In front of the crib stood Lorne, his back to them and keening in a pitiful tone. His hand held tightly onto something and he was trying to pull it off with little success. He must have heard their mouths dropping on the floor because he turned around and presented them with the sight that they had already figured out but still caused them to blink.

Lorne had a happily squealing dirty blond baby hanging from his red horns. The green demon wasn't as happy as he tried effortlessly to get him off. He finally gave up, "Get this monkey off me!!" and waved his hands distressed.

Xander almost jumped to stop William from falling when Lorne let go of his waist to wave. But he stopped mid lunge when he saw the little child hanging on blissfully without a care in the world and tugging even tighter lifting himself to practically cover Lorne's face.

Lorne's eyes widened before he glared with accusing red eyes at Xander. "I thought you said you were going to give him a change!" he whined.

At that moment, Xander bit his lip so hard he winced from the pain. He couldn't stop the big smile though. He took the remaining two steps and gently tugged at William.

"Wil, let go of the horny demon."

Lorne yelled indignant. Xander snickered. "Okay, just let go of the 'red horned demon'." He pulled. "C'mon, let go! Ugh!" He pulled back breathing hard shocked that that hadn't worked.

Lorne just about stomped his foot. "I can't breath and my horns are gonna fall off! Do you know how long it takes before they grow back?! And how painful!! Get him off, get him off, GET HIM OFF!"

Xander shuddered. "God, who knew there was a green male Dawn out there?" He turned his eye around trying to find something, anything that would give him a clue on how to fix this. His eye caught something. "I've got it!"

He reached behind Lorne then stood there so he could see William's eyes. He raised something and waved it at the baby's wide eyes. "Look what I've got, Tigger…" he said in a cheery voice. "Does someone want to play with Tigger?"

William cried happily and raised his hand to demand the tiger in turn letting go of Lorne's sore horns. Lorne was too busy unconsciously rubbing his horns, Xander was behind him and for a split second, William was free falling. Xander and Lorne's eyes widened in alarm but before they could do anything, the squealing William was in Angel's arms.

The two breathed a sigh of relief. William didn't seem to notice as he continued calling for his toy. Xander handed it over with a groan. The child took no time before he started chewing on it.

Lorne sniffed and started walking away. "My poor horns need a little TLC… preferably with moisturizer."

Angel and Xander watched as the demon left, and then Angel turned to Xander. "Now can we talk?"

><><><><><><><><><

"Are you sure this is effective?" Angel asked and threw Tigger at Xander.

“Trust me, my mom told me it’s what she and Aunt Lily used to do to keep me walking,” Xander said confidently and threw Tigger back at Angel.

Little William's head was following his toy from Xander to Angel and the opposite. He barely took one step to where the toy was before the flying tiger found itself in other arms. The little whimpers he made broke Angel’s heart.

“C’mon Xander, let’s stop.”

“No,” Xander said firmly. “He's not gonna learn how to walk unless he’s forced to. It’s been a month since he started crawling, he should be walking steadily by now.”

“But he’s barely passed one.” Angel looked at the toddler's unbalanced steps as he walked in the space between them from Angel to Xander and vice versa, falling down then painfully getting up.

“I was only one when I started walking, the first kid to walk at a young age in the family. Thanks to my parents’ strictness,” Xander said proudly for the first time complementing his parents.

“But your parents are monsters,” Angel retorted logically. He watched as William fell on his butt and this time the child didn’t get up.

Wil’ looked at Xander with huge glassy blue eyes, not sure why 'Dada' wouldn’t give him his Tigger already.

“Hey, get up!” Xander ordered the child. William’s lips started trembling and his eyes were becoming bigger and glassier.

“Don’t you dare start crying, boy!” Xander warned looking strictly at Wil’, and that did it. William burst crying so loud Angel swore it could be heard in an alternate dimension. Or it sounded that way for the vampire's super hearing.

“Alright, that’s it!” Angel exclaimed angrily. He picked up Wil’ and extended his hand to Xander. “Give me Tigger, Xander!”

Xander blinked. That was one for the records. Angel never called the squishy toy by its name.

“No, we have to … hey!” Angel snatched the toy before Xander finished his protest. He handed it to the child in his arms, who stopped weeping the minute Tigger was in his hands.  “Here you go, little one,” Angel spoke softly, smiling as the baby eyes brightened and the chubby hands clutched the stuffed animal closely.

Xander glared up at the vampire. “Angel, slowly hand me back the tiger and put him down.”

Angel stared down at Xander irritably. “No.”

“Do it!”

“No!”

“I said …”

“No Xander, you’re scaring him!”

“That’s what the kid needs Angel,” Xander insisted, getting up from the floor. “Severity and sternness are the only way to make this boy a …” he stopped talking as realization hit him. The words he was uttering were said by his father before.

Angel stared at him surprised. “Wow, guess the Harris blood finally caught up, huh?” That was a little harsh but the vampire didn't care at that moment.

“Oh my God,” Xander groaned, both hands were pulling his hair in annoyance. “I’m turning into my father.”

Angel rolled his eyes. “No, you’re not,” he said dismissing the idea walking towards Will’s crib.

“Angel, this is serious.” Why wasn’t Angel taking this seriously? “Look we have to set some rules. You’ve got to stop me from turning into a regular-Harris-Joe and I will make sure you’re not turning into psycho Angelus.”

Angel gave him a look. “Xander, my soul is permanent.”

“Well, you never know,” Xander exclaimed waving his arms. “I mean *Willow* tried to destroy the world last year.” He nodded firmly. If sweet Willow could turn into an evil-world-ending witch, with scary black hair and inky veins, then what were the chances of Angel, the vampire, turning into one? Not that he would turn into a witch or anything. And inky veins were so wrong for his complexion. Maybe red ones?

Xander shook his head. ~ Jeez Lorne is rubbing off on me. And is that the double innuendo freaky unspoken sentence or what?! ~

Angel was about to lay Wil’ in his crib but suddenly stopped when he heard what Xander said about Willow and chuckled. “You’re making that up.”

“No really, she took down Buffy, Giles, Anya and was going to turn Dawn into an energy ball … it took only the Xan Man to save the world.” The young man raised his chin proudly and crossed his arm causing his chest to puff out.

Angel blinked at him. “Is this some kind of fan fiction?” The vampire cringed inwardly. He knew he shouldn't have checked Cordelia and Fred's Bookmarks. At least he HOPED it was the girls.

“It’s the truth!” Xander yelled defensively.

“Alright fine,” Angel let out, not wanting to get into a discussion about Xander’s fantasy or give Xander's slow uptake a chance to take in what he said. He wouldn't be able to live that one down. “Willow turned evil and you saved the world.” The best solution was always to let things go.

Xander’s eye flashed in anger. “Are you making fun of me?”

Angel sighed resignedly. “No dear.” This seemed so monotonous. William wiggled in his arms. He looked down at the big blue eyes staring up at him, mouth full of Tigger’s leg, chewing with joy. Angel couldn’t help but baby talk his beautiful childe.

Xander stared at the vampire playing with Wil’, he was completely ignoring the fact that HE saved the world. The young man was furious. Was it so hard to believe that he could save the world? Not able to stand Angel getting Wil’s attention, Xander snatched the baby from Angel’s arms. “Give him to me!” he said angrily.

He walked away from a stunned Angel and looked down at Wil’. “See William, Papa is an ass.”

“Hey, don’t use such words in front him. What if he repeated them?”

“Oh please, the whole month you’re trying to make him call you Papa, instead he keeps calling you Del, which could be Angel. Don’t worry he’s not gonna pick up ‘ass’.”

He looked down smiling at the toddler. “Right Wil’?”

“Ath!” Wil’ exclaimed happily.

Xander blinked. “Huh?”

“Ath!” Wil’ waved his arms repeating with joy.

“Uh oh,” Xander whispered and turned slowly towards Angel, his eye big and innocent and his mouth formed one of the Xan Man’s charming goofy grins, hoping that Angel wouldn’t kill him. Unfortunately, William repeating the word “Ath” like a thousand times wasn’t helping.

Angel was shaking angrily, his eyes flashed yellow. Xander backed away. “Now Angel, not in front of the kid.” He looked desperately at the child. “Hey, Wil' how about the word ‘flower’? C’mon say after me, ‘flower’.”

“Ath!”

“You’re not helping, okay, how about 'soul'?” Xander said nervously, looking at an approaching all vamp faced Angel.

"Ath!!"

“Eeek, BUFFY!!!” Where was a slayer when you needed one?

******

Xander sighed as he watched William sleeping peacefully. He couldn’t help trace his finger down one soft rounded cheek. Angel looked sadly at the tender gaze Xander was giving William. Lorne was right. They desperately needed to have a serious talk about their shared situation.

“Xander,” he whispered so not to rouse the young child.

The boy looked up at him questioningly

“I think we need to have that important talk that we haven't even got a chance to start,” Angel clarified.

“Fine, talk.” Xander crossed his arms and waited.

The vampire gave the sleeping child an unsure glance, and then turned back to Xander. “I guess it’s better if we talked somewhere else, my room?” He waved towards the door.

Xander frowned concerned. “Is it that serious?” He was reluctant to leave William on his own and more so wary of what Angel was about to say.

Angel moved without answering. He didn’t want to explain anything here. If anyone wanted the truth he really didn’t want to have this conversation with Xander in the first place, but like always Lorne was right. He exited the room without even glancing behind him knowing that Xander was following him. He could detect the worry wafting from the young man at his heels. Angel was afraid of what this conversation might lead to, he truly dreaded the outcome, but the alternative if they didn't do this was even worse.

For the past month, Angel got to know the real Xander Harris. The funny, loyal, young man everyone talked about all these years ago. A description Angel couldn’t see when he was in Sunnydale, something he never allowed himself to see. He couldn’t believe how much Xander had grown over the years in so many ways. He liked the man Xander had become. A responsible, tolerant man, two qualities Angel doubted-- no, *knew* that teenage Xander had lacked. The sense of responsibility showed in Xander's instinctive need to care for William the child, and the tolerance was revealed in Xander's acceptance without much question of Angel's need to be an integral part of Wil's life.

Nevertheless, that still wasn't enough. Xander was still the naïve, untrusting little boy when it came to the coexistence of demons and humans, his instinctive reaction to Lorne only proved it. Angel couldn’t possibly let it continue. He knew how much damage it would bring to William …and to Xander as well. To the three of them. His life was finally becoming something other than torment and he wasn't about to relinquish that, even if it meant clashing with Xander Harris.

Angel's musings ended when he found himself standing in his room, eyes boring into the wooden surface and vaguely hearing Xander reluctantly entering before, after a short pause, closing the door behind him. The vampire didn’t know where to begin. Running his hand over the back of his neck, Angel turned and was faced with a fidgeting Xander who was barely holding eye contact.

“I … I don’t know where to begin.” He closed his eyes tiredly. Why was he so tired all of a sudden? The weight of this conversation and what end it might lead to was too much for Angel to take after a hard day of fighting that Luma demon Cordelia's visions directed him to earlier that day.

Xander had a bad feeling about all of this; he had been having a bad feeling all day, his Hellmouth boosted senses tingling that something serious was about to happen and he had been twitching all day in wait. Guess the wait was over now. And what a surprise that Angel was the one behind it.

What did Angel find so urgent that he demanded all his attention just to talk to him? What was so important and big that they couldn't discuss in front of Lorne or in Xander's room?

“What is it? You’re freaking me out,” he let out anxiously.

Angel closed his eyes, took a deep calming breath something he tended to do before he started his Ti Chi to relax then opened his eyes and looked directly at Xander's worried face. "Xander, we've never been close, you and I," he stated quietly.

Xander looked at him skeptically. "Yeah?" He barely refrained from the instinctive sarcastic response that could've gone something like 'something I'm extremely glad of!', since it would clearly would ruin the somber mood Angel was going for.

"And we've always had our differences. You hate me because of who I am, what I am, and I dislike you because sometimes you're nothing but a pain in the ass."

"Hey!" Xander complained especially when Angel's tone was so calm that it made the insult sound like a statement. ~ And here I was holding my tongue on a leash! Serves me right! ~

Angel ignored him.

The vampire looked outside the window; lost in his fearful predictions. "Yet you've managed to overlook that hate in order to take care of Wil," Angel whispered still looking at the outside world. A soft chuckle escaped his lips and he could tell it made Xander uncomfortable. "In fact you always overlooked what you don't like if it leads to you gaining what you want. And after it all ends, I'm still nothing but a repulsive blood sucking killer, a vampire, isn't that right Xander?"

Xander grew more uncomfortable. He didn't like where this was going but what he hated more was Angel stating sentences to him like he wasn’t even required to be in the room. "Hey, you dragged me here, wanted talk to me isn't that right? Then look me in the eye," he demanded.

Angel sighed and turned. Xander froze at the sad look in the vampire's eyes. He took a couple of unconscious steps towards him but said nothing.

"This is something big, Xander. It's a life, it's Wil's life."

Xander's bewilderment changed into apprehension. "What about Wil?" The mere mention of the baby brought his parental instincts to the fore and cast his uneasy mind to the state of the sleeping boy.

"You realize that he is coming back, don't you?"

Xander took those couple of steps back. "I don't know what you're talking about," he hissed.

Angel didn't approach him, but had a weary look in his eyes. "You can't do this, Xander. You can't make yourself part of his life and then expect him to accept it when you leave. He'll remember you know."

Xander shook his head. "We don't know for sure …"

"We know!" Angel growled from inside. That was what he hated about Xander the most. The denial! "Stop pretending that it's not gonna happen. It will, we know that, you know that. Every time you look at him, I see you building more and more walls. It's only a matter of time before you hurt him." He had a dark look in his eyes. "And I will not let you do that to him. He's my childe and now he's my son. You will not hurt him."

Xander felt his anger rise. "You think I want to hurt Wil, I love him! I'll never hurt him!"

Angel's face twisted into his vampire features. "Look at me. This is what he was… what he might once more become. The thing you hate. Are you telling me that the thought of leaving him once he returns to being Spike hadn't crossed your mind?"

"No." The look in Angel's yellow eyes told him that he didn't believe him. Xander had always thought about leaving when the Scoobies were here. He thought about moving away with Willow before things got complicated. However, he chose to stay, because things had already become complicated. He already loved William, already wanted to be beside him, there for him, helping him, watching him grow up. But he never thought about what the years to come would bring, because he couldn't possibly grasp the notion of William becoming the creature he had never liked. In fact, every time his mind began to wander in that direction he put a stop to it, denied it, and looked away.

"Oh you did," Angel hissed. "I know I'm just a tool you use to make things right at the moment, to help you in making things easier, but eventually when you get what you're after, you'll cast me aside like a used, useless stake." Xander wanted to object but Angel didn't give him a chance as he continued speaking while approaching in slow but sure steps.

"That was always the deal with you isn't it? Use the vampire when you need him but when everything is all well and done you forget it all, and the vampire is nothing but the dirt under your sneakers. If you get a chance to take him out, you don't hesitate because he's a 'killer' and you can't possibly forget that because he's not one of your precious heart beating friends, right?!"

"Shut up! You know nothing about me!" Xander yelled angrily. "Don't you dare claim that YOU know anything about me!" He hated how Angel accused his blind loyalty regarding his friends. Xander remembered how he defended Willow and Anya after everything they did, yet he couldn't bring himself to forgive or accept Angel and Spike after what they did, simply because they weren't friends.

~ Coz they're cold inside and out! ~ His mind unfeelingly supplied. He held himself from shaking his head in an attempt to clear it in front of Angel, he wouldn't show the deception even if it were in his own mind.

There was a reason why he didn't trust Angel and Spike, right? And Angel didn't know it! Xander was just a little overwhelmed at the moment, which was the only reason he couldn't supply a valid argument.

"I know what I need to know," Angel said. "You're gonna leave in the end, Xander. You're gonna leave because you don't care!"

"I care about Wil'," Xander gritted out exasperated.

"And Wil' is Spike! Can you honestly tell me you care about Spike?" Angel demanded gruffly.

"Spike is a vampire, a disgusting vampire! You don't know what he tried to do to Buffy!" Memories of Buffy lying on her bathroom's floor, bruised and crying shadowed Xander's eye. That devastated look in her teary eyes, the pain and disgrace he found there still made Xander growl inside to avenge her, to hurt Spike tremendously!

Angel didn't notice the fire growing inside Xander as he said, "Whatever he did, Xander, I'm pretty sure it was before the soul!" He shook his head out of the memories of the past that suddenly slashed behind his eyes. "Even if William turned into a vampire after 23 years, he'll still have the soul."

"That's not it! I just … I don't like vampires!" he said sullenly.

"Why?" Angel yelled irritated. He wanted to know what made Xander retain all these feelings of resentment for years.

"That's none of your business!"

"You see," Angel said in assertion as he stood in front of Xander, holding the boy's shoulders but didn't let himself feel the pleasure of sinking his fingers into the flesh. "That's why we can't work together if we continue to keep secrets from each other! Especially ones that revolve around Wil." He did however allow himself to shake Xander's shoulders a 'little' painfully.

Xander pushed Angel away heatedly. "Oh, like you don't have any secrets that I don't know about! I know there's a secret behind your knowledge of babies other than the occasional toddler supper!" Angel looked shocked at that. Xander smiled bitterly. "You think I'm just a thick loser, don't you? Well pal, sorry to disappoint ya but I didn't lose my eye for nothing!" The brunet touched his eye patch recalling Caleb's words as his finger sunk into his eye socket. He shuddered but concealed it well so that Angel wasn't aware of it.

Angel knew that Xander would scrutinize him whenever he held William in his arms, a thoughtful look in his eyes, but the vampire uneasily shrugged it off. He was rethinking that tactic of his now.

The thing with Xander was that he only saw what he wanted to see, which didn't bode well for the other party. For example, Angel being a warrior and one of the 'good guys' who fought the good fight had never interested Xander beyond the surface level; unless it was connected to someone he cared about like Buffy, but mostly he chose to ignore. However, Angel's obvious knowledge with handling babies had clearly caught Xander's interest for it was linked to Wil', someone Xander grew to love and care for.

Angel heaved an exhausted sigh. "Look, to make this thing between us work, we have to trust each other. I'm willing to trust you completely, but are you willing to trust me?"

Xander looked at the ground in silence.

Angel sighed. "Then we have a big problem. It's a shame really, because I can't let this go on if you keep acting like this."

Xander's face snapped up, looking at Angel shocked. "What are you saying?"

"I'm not letting you hurt William, Xander."

"I don't wan to hurt him, Jackass!"

"Then we have to discuss this! We have to work out our issues before …"

"How about we don't?" Xander glared at Angel. "You can't just come here and expect me to change who I am just because you don't like me. I love Wil, okay? The way I feel about you has nothing to do with it. I want to be a part of Wil's life and I don't have to like you for it. Now excuse me, I gotta go catch some sleep."

With that he left the room, walking across the hall as fast as he could. He reached the doorknob and turned it when he felt strong hands grab at his shoulders and throw him at the wall opposite Xander's room.

Xander hit the wall with painful smack and fell on the floor. Trying to get up, Angel stood next to him. He looked up angrily, and flinched as he realized that Angel still hadn't changed back into his human features.

Yellow eyes glared at the boy on the floor, Angel spoke firmly. "I told you I will not let you hurt him, the way you keep denying the inevitable it would be no time before you hurt him. Spike *is* an emotional being… he gets attached to things all the time… turns the world upside-down if he lost it… goes homicidal and suicidal at the same time if it was someone he loved. Can you tell me that in 23 years of you fathering him he wouldn’t love you? It would kill him if you left."

Angel's human face retuned once more. He pointed at hallway leading to the stairs. "If you can't find it in yourself to see him in another way, then you must leave now, Xander."

“You can’t do that!” Xander yelled from his place on the floor.

“Oh I can and I will," Angel said heading towards Xander's room. He stood by the door and looked at Xander once more. "Until you learn how to live with me, with the notion that I am a vampire and so might Wil return to being one, you’re not allowed near Wil’.” He entered the room and locked the door behind him.

Xander got up quickly and started pounding on the door. “Open the door Angel!” he yelled.

There was no answer.

He started kicking the door harder. “Open the door!” He kicked and pounded but nothing could be heard from the inside. Xander started to panic, this wasn't happening! The damn vampire was not keeping him from the person that he felt a familial connection with more than his own blood. Xander could still hear the deafening sound of the door locking him out, it scared him that the feeling which passed through him at that moment was one of finality.

~ No! I wouldn't let him do that! This isn't over, damn it! No disgusting bloodsucker is gonna keep me from what's mine! ~

“Angel, you fuck!” he yelled desperately ignoring the hitch in his voice as he kept pounding on the door with his foot repeatedly.

Faintly, in the brief silence between kicking, he was able to hear William crying inside. “Angel! William’s crying! Open the door!!”

Angel's roar came from inside. “Why don’t you just stop pounding, you’re the one scaring him!”

“Let me in then, you son of a bitch!” he yelled angrily, while booting the door with all he could.

“Just go Xander!" Angel yelled exasperated.

William's cries were getting louder and that stopped Xander from retorting and kicking some more. They shouldn't fight near Wil'. Xander should know better. He knew how it felt to hear his parents fighting cruelly, how it made him huddle in fear as he watched them about to rip at each other. They went on nonstop even while he cried for them to stop, while all he wanted was their attention even if it meant that their anger would be directed at him. He recalled how those countless incidents caused him to feel less safe, less sheltered in his very own home, or what stood for it.

He was not going to let Wil' feel the same, to go through what he went through. He had promised himself that he would give William everything that he hadn't got… and that included not letting the boy suffer through the nightmares Xander had undergone as a child.

“Mother fucker,” he whispered frustrated and walked angrily towards the stairs. He would find a bar and drink, drink until he couldn't feel a thing. To dull the pain and the anger with booze and try to erase what a shamble his life had become with the intoxicating liquid.

"Should've taken Gunn's offer to cruse the bars… where in this time of night can I go?" he huffed and he reached the lobby down stairs. "I'll just hail a damn cab and tell him to take me to one of the seediest joints in L.A. they'll be open at this hour!"

No, Xander shook his head, he shouldn’t do that either. It was such a 'his-father-thing' to do. He stopped going to bars last year. That could also be added to the list of things he wouldn't do to William, he was not his father. He was not going to act that way, not anymore. He redirected his path from the entrance and found himself in the library/lounge.

His eye burned the sofa in front of him. Not knowing what to do, he just kicked it with his right foot.

"Ow!" He winced. "God damn Angel all his fault if I lost my toe," he mumbled under his voice.

“You okay man?”

He cursed when he heard Gunn's voice and kicked the sofa again then he threw himself at it and hid his face in his hands.

“What’s wrong?” He heard Gunn asking worried.

Xander raised his face, looking up angrily. “Angel! He threw me out, saying that I’m not safe enough for Wil’ if I still didn't trust him.” He refrained from mentioning Angel accusing him of leaving if Spike made a reappearance.

Gunn stood up from where he was kneeling next to the bookcase fixing the shelves. He was shocked when Xander walked into the room. He wasn't used to people being in here at that time of the night. In fact he himself should be back home sleeping but he had been tossing and turning instead of doing that, and he thought that better than waste his time counting flying sheep he could do something productive like trying to finish fixing this room. Xander's sudden entrance and fury at the couch put a stop to that.

He looked at him concerned. He noticed the haggard appearance and the dull anger behind the dark eye and nodded at the snapping words in understanding.   “I just …” Xander sighed and closed his eye. He hung his head back jadedly and placed his hands behind his neck.

Gunn stared at the younger man for a while then smiled as he made a decision. “You know, I used to be just like you.”

Xander opened his eye and looked at the black young man as he went on. “Never trusted Angel back then, took me a long time to, know why?”

“You lost your mind with continued contact?” Xander guessed sarcastically.

Gunn chuckled as he closed his toolbox. “Now why do you say that?”

"Why shouldn't I? Angel is a creature that lives on blood, if we get stuck somewhere he has to drain me to survive. I mean it's the same as us and cows. We eat cows. If I was stuck with a cow I'd eventually have to eat it to survive, right? It's food. We're just food for vampires nothing less. Why shouldn't I hate him for seeing me… uh us that way?"

Gunn frowned. "I dunno about that, but do cows look like us? They're nothing like us. They don't think or feel or understand what's happening the in world around them. I mean you can't compare this with us and cows."

Xander gave an irritated sigh. "I know it's a lousy example but you get the picture!"

"Yeah," Gunn let out nodding, understanding what Xander meant by his analogy. "I used to think that all demons were like animals… like pests that are mindless creatures that I needed to exterminate."

He walked towards the sofa saying, "Vamps, demons, non-humans, they are the bad guys and people are the good guys. That'd make things so simple, right? Sadly my friend, life is not that simple." He sat next to Xander who moved into a sitting position to give the tall man some room. Gunn gave him a half smile.

Xander started back at him. "Why did you start working for Angel? You said you never trusted him in the past, then why working for him?"

Gunn looked down at his hands. "I lost my sister to the beasts four years ago."

Xander blinked awkwardly. "I'm sorry to hear that, Gunn." The black young man didn't say anything so Xander had to push for an answer. "Was that why you joined Angel? Because of your sister's death."

"Alonna …” Gunn began, pausing a little to compose himself before he continued, "Alonna didn't just die, there were a lot of them, my boys couldn't cover them all. She was standing there right in front of me and her face … the ugliest thing I've ever seen."

Suddenly Xander's heart started throbbing. His shaking hand went automatically to rest on Gunn's shoulder.

~ He knows. ~ He thought looking at the bald lowered head.

Gunn chuckled bitterly. "Didn't take me long to realize that she's one of them."

"That must have been horrible," Xander said softly. Memories of him underground with Buffy and Jesse running from The Master’s vampires appeared in his mind, him turning back to find his all time best friend wearing a face of a monster. The shock and daze that overwhelmed him made him stand there staring at that horrible face … the deformed face of his best friend, his brother, until Buffy's yell made him snap out of it. It all rushed back.

"Yeah, well," Gunn spoke snapping Xander out of his painful memories. "I did what I had to do, I …"

"Staked her?" Xander finished for him. Gunn stared at Xander in astonishment. The one-eyed boy sighed. Who better to share something like this than someone who understood?

"Same thing happened to me. First day I learned that the children book monsters were real, that I couldn't look at a vampire movie with the same detachment, I lost my friend.” Everything seemed so distant, like a lifetime ago but the feeling was still fresh. When Buffy transferred to their school, when he heard about vampires for the first time, when he came face-to-scary-face with vampires for the first time but not this feeling. Not Jesse’s death. That seemed so recent. He remembered it as if it happened yesterday.

“They kidnapped him, I went with Buffy to save him, found him but it was all a trap,” he said blankly. His face twisted in disgust as he said the following words, “A stinking trap just to get the slayer. Jesse was already dead, he was a vampire and I lost him completely."

He remembered the countless times he tried to talk to Jesse, bring him back, even part of him. But all that didn’t help. Giles was right. Jesse was gone. It+ was just a shell wearing his friend’s face and walking around with his memories.

He felt Gunn’s hand resting on his knee, squeezing it in comfort. "That when you staked him?" Gunn asked quietly.

"Not at that moment … but the same day anyway. Although …" Xander stopped unsure if he wanted to admit this to Gunn. He never mentioned this to anyone. Actually he never talked about the whole Jesse thing with anyone in the first place. After Jesse’s death, it seemed that everyone forgot about him, even Xander himself.

"Although what?" Gunn asked curious.

"Although I don't think I'd have staked him," Xander whispered looking down ashamed.

"Huh?" Gunn frowned, a ridiculous expression on his face. Xander realized he hadn’t told Gunn the whole truth.

"It was an accident,” he explained. “Jesse was pushed on a stake I was holding in my hand. It wasn't me who actually did it."

Xander looked down again. Jesse’s voice echoed in his head repeating the same statement about Xander not being able to stake him. "And he knew it, Jesse knew I was too weak to do it, I wouldn't have. I would've let him go, sent him away somehow, I know."

Gunn recognized that tone in Xander’s words. The miserable tone of a man admitting his weakness, and if there was anything Gunn loathed, it was weakness. "You don't know for sure …"

"I had the stake, Gunn!” Xander cut him off with a heated exclaim. “I had it. I was threatening to use it!" He still remembered that moment clearly. He stood there looking down at Jesse who was about to feed on an innocent, he didn't remember who was he or she … it was all very hazy. The only thing he had been focused on at the time was that hideous mask covering Jesse's face. That mask Xander grew to hate so quickly.

He knew he couldn't do it. He would never live with it if he did which was Xander’s biggest weakness. Everything he was good at centered on talking, threatening, that was all he ever did, had never went beyond that. He threatened Spike about killing him, but was too much of a coward to do so, and that caused Buffy to get hurt eventually! It also caused … the world to be saved … Xander's other eye to escape its dreary fate and … okay, well, Xander could give him that, Spike did good but that didn't excuse what he had done before. Right?

"Xander!"

Xander jumped alarmed. "What?" he yelled before turning to a laughing Gunn.

Gunn worked hard to stop laughing at Xander's expense, he failed. "Where did you go? I was talking to you and you were lost somewhere."

"Uh …" Xander let out with a small embarrassed blush. “I do that a lot lately, debating with my inner self and … you were talking to me?" he asked immediately trying to get him to stop laughing.

"Yeah, I just …” Gunn took a few seconds to compose himself, before going on, “I think that you chickening out from killing your …"

"Staking," Xander corrected. What they always did night after night wasn’t killing.

~ Euphemisms rule the world today… Buffy's doesn't kill she slays. ~ He thought remembering how Buffy was upset about Dracula addressing her with the 'renowned killer'.

"Staking you friend … that just shows your loyalty. That you'd never hurt …"

"I hurt my friends so many times I can't count. Not staking Jesse was me showing my yellow colors, I was a coward. I was yelling at Buffy to stake Angel and I knew how she felt about him and at the same time I knew that if it were me I won't be able to do the same!"

"You don't know,” Gunn stressed. “Maybe you would've staked your friend eventually if he hadn't been pushed on your stake!"

"No I wouldn't! My ex-fiancé started killing people and I was yelling at Buffy who was trying to kill--- slay her that she was being thoughtless to my feelings while I did the same thing to her when it was Angel." He lowered his head and rubbed at his hair making it more wild.

"Wow … so many events for me to take in." Gunn blinked at the amount of information he was learning about Xander’s life. "Overload, man."

"I was a jerk,” Xander stated in self-loathing ignoring Gunn’s comment. “A jerk, a coward and a selfish bastard."

"Hey, don't be hard on yourself.” Gunn started batting at his shoulder comfortingly. “None of us are perfect."

"I did stupid things in the past. Stuff that would have cost my friends' lives."

"We all did stupid things in the past. It's normal."

Xander cast Gunn a challenging look. "Did Cordelia ever tell you about the time I cast a spell to make all the women in Sunnydale fall for me?"

"Ooooh that must have been nice!" Gunn whistled approving.

"That was stupid."

The black man rolled his eyes, before he noticed the mention of Cordelia. She rarely talked to them about her high school years in Sunnydale. "Cordelia was there? How old were you? Fifteen? Sixteen?"

"Seventeen."

"When I was seventeen, I sold my soul for a van," Gunn said with a raised eyebrow. Xander’s jaw dropped to the floor.

"Yeah, people always do stupid things when they're kids," Gunn pointed out watching Xander’s still opened mouth. "Point is, Xander, it'd all happened in the past. Let old demons lie. The past can never be forgotten, can't tell you to do that… no one can short from a spell and damn we're not going there!"

Xander smiled. "Right there with ya."

"See thing is, the only thing we can do is move on or what counts for it. Learn from the past as clichéd as that sounds and let the waters settle… throwing stones at them will only make waves that you can't stop."

Xander looked down. "I know."

"Alonna died and she is not coming back. So is your friend. Nothing we say or do will change that. "

"It's not that..." Xander tried to interrupt, head still lowered tiredly.

"I know, you think that it isn't fair … Angel getting a soul being one of the good guys … while your friend had to die without getting a glorified chance like that? Believe me, it used to eat me up from inside. I was always pissed that Angel got a second chance while my sister got staked."

Xander did think exactly that before when Angel had hung around Buffy. However, Jesse became old news in no time. But really, what if Jesse had gotten his soul like Spike did? Wouldn't it have been …

No. Xander got tired of the 'what if' game right after his wedding fiasco. He had to stick with reality, as weird as it might seem. He looked at the older man next to him. “I have no problem with that, Gunn. I just have a problem with Angel’s kind. Vampires in general. I don’t think I’ll ever accept Angel as a vampire.”

Gunn gave a tired sigh. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

~ Dude! A yap on being mister wisdom and he acts like I was talking to the couch! Gotta ask Delia if he ever got good grades… ~

"I really want to accept it," Xander admitted. That got Gunn's full attention. "I really do. It's just there's this annoying thing nagging inside of me repeating over and over 'Are you nuts?' I don't know if I'll ever accept Angel, I don't know how."

"The important thing is that you want to, which is a real step forward, just don't take those appealing two steps back." Xander chuckled at the way Gunn had put it. The dark man seemed to think about it, and then suddenly turned to face Xander. "Think of it as racism. Do you want to be called a racist?"

That made Xander raise his head in shock. "What do vampires have to do with …?"

"The way you treat Angel is the same way white people used to treat black people. Always thinking of them as lower beings and slaves, killing them coz they're different. You’re always thinking of Angel as a killer."

“I don’t …” Xander's eye was wide.

"I learned that the two issues are the same the hard way. When my 'friend', and using the term loosely here man, went on a crusade to kill every creature that wasn't a pure human… Lorne almost died that night. Not to mention that his club got totaled… again. I don't think he ever forgave me for that. That place was the one place he felt safe… he had these spells that kept demons from fighting but when humans came no demon could defend him or herself. He redid the spell and made it go both ways now."

Xander winced remembering his instinctive reaction towards Lorne, he tried to tell himself it was because he didn't know him but now thanks to Gunn he was rethinking that.

“Besides Angel got a soul,” Gunn said with a shrug returning them to their subject. “That makes him good in my book.”

“No, it doesn’t. So what if Angel has a soul? That doesn’t change who he really is.”

“That’s the same thing racists used to say, so what if blacks are human beings, they’re still black." He looked questioningly at his companion. "And why are you stressing on this? Why are you fighting it so badly? Is it worth it? Is sticking to your idea about vamps worth losing William over it?” Gunn hit the nail on its head. He wasn't oblivious as some might think. He knew what could get under Xander's skin this much.

Xander looked down. No, it didn't. God, he didn't want to lose William, he didn't. William was the best thing that ever happened to him in such a long time. Horrible thoughts started attacking his mind, of William waking up in the morning looking for him but not finding him. Of William thinking he had abandoned him.

“You see that’s the real question you should ask yourself. If you really love the kid, you’ll be willing to change for him, ain't I right?”

He loved William. He loved him so much, his heart was shattering right now at the mere thought of losing him. But could he do this? Could he still be with William while he knew he was actually Spike, would eventually turn back into Spike? Angel wasn't really Xander's problem even though he was stressing on it that much. Spike was Xander's problem.

He never even contemplated the thought of him giving Spike any kind of love. It was just too ridiculous an idea to conceive. How could he take care of William when he knew that he was taking care of Spike as well?

He looked at Gunn who was giving him a warm stare. "Is hating him really worth it, Xander?"

William's laughter, an image of him chewing on Tigger, of giving Xander his food, staring at him with those adoring blue eyes like Xander was the most important person in the world, seeking him for safety, all poured into Xander's frantic brain. The way Xander felt around William, loved, adored, needed … something no one ever made him like not even Anya.

"No," he shook his head. "I guess it doesn't."

Gunn grinned widely. "Then why are you wasting your time here? Go up there, tell Angel that you'll give it all up for the kid!"

Xander chewed at his lip before finally nodding and jumped up. He was half way to the large doors before he stopped and turned around eyebrow raised.

"When did you get all wise?!"

Gunn grinned. "Chalk it all to sleepiness and the gods of craftsmanship." He nodded to what he had been working on as Xander came rushing in.

Xander nodded as if understanding. He smiled at his new friend. "Well, I owe you oh wise one. I'll be sure to lend you a hand to fix the place!" With that he turned and continued his way out.

"I'll hold you to that, man!" Gunn yelled after him. He got off the couch with a groan and by the second step towards the bookcase he had his head lowered and was massaging his neck. He yawned and raised now bleary eyes. "I wonder why Wes isn't asleep half the time… speeches are the insomniac cure." With a departing glance at his work, he turned off the lights and headed to a room he kept in the hotel for late nights like this and fell into a peaceful slumber.

><><><><><><><><><

Xander stood nervously in front of the door to his room. His talk with Gunn opened his eye a little to how wrong he was driving his life; clinging to the past and almost losing the beautiful future. Like Gunn said, it wasn't worth it. William was worth it.

He knocked on the door very softly so not to wake William, knowing full well that Angel would hear it. After a few seconds Angel opened the door. The handsome face held the same broody look Xander remembered since he was a kid.

"Hey look," he began. "I thought about it, I'm not saying that I trust you yet. But I'm willing to try … to change for William's sake. What happened in the past happened, this is all for William."

Angle let out a smile. "You've grown up Xander Harris."

Xander shrugged looking down with a half shy smile. "Well, you're defiantly a better person."

"Why would you say that?"

"You believed in me," Xander looked up smiling. "That's why you opened the door." Yep if Angel sensed that Xander's intentions weren't good he wouldn't have opened the door.

"Uh well, I … actually did that because … I couldn't make Wil' go back to sleep and God please come inside." Angel pulled Xander inside quickly, dragging him to the crib, where William lay there sniffing pathetically.

The moment William caught Xander standing there, his eyes grew with hope and he reached for his Dada to make it better.

Xander looked at the sniffling child, but differently. William was reaching up his hands for Xander to pick him up. Yet Xander didn't move. He didn't do a thing. Angel didn't even push him, he stood next to him silently, letting him figure it all out for himself.

Xander just stared at Wil' for awhile longer. This child was Spike. This child would grow up to be Spike. Xander knew that, even though he tried to deny it, he knew. But Angel was right, if he kept denying, it would hurt Wil' especially after years of smothering and loving him, which Xander knew definitely he would be doing.

Xander had to make a decision. Either to leave when things were just starting and William wasn't attached or stay and accept that this small child was a monster he loathed. The tears on the toddler's face and the big blue eyes that looked at him confused, asking why he wasn't moving towards him, made Xander's decision. He walked towards the crib and took William into his arms, holding him tenderly against his chest. Xander softly kissed the small forehead and forced the thought that he was kissing 'Spike's' forehead to stay. He had to accept it. This kid was Spike. He would eventually turn back into Spike. But he wouldn't be only Spike… he would be his William as well; he would make sure of that.

Xander had to leave all his plagued memories of the blond vampire behind and focus on the good memories. Spike taking care of Dawn, him fighting side by side with the vampire while Buffy was gone, their companionship, Spike fighting for his soul, Spike being there for Buffy when they all abandoned her, Spike saving the world. Xander smiled at the baby. His boy was a hero.

"So …" Angel's anxious voice started, "You're accepting all the terms?"

"I'm not sure yet, but I'm on my way to."

He looked down at William. "Hey there Buddy, are you hungry?" He reached down in the crib and picked up a bottle that Angel was clearly trying to feed the child before he returned.

Angel huffed. "He won't drink, I tried."

Xander stuck his tongue at vampire. "You're not me." He waved the bottle in front of William while he was holding the child in his other arm. "Isn't that right, kiddo? Dada is better than your Papa..." he talked with him in baby voice. He brought the milk closer and grinned widely when William took it out of his hand and stuck in his mouth.

Xander turned to look at Angel with triumph. "See I told you…"

He was cut off mid pride rant when a stream of milk splattered into his face shortly followed by a squeal.

Angel grinned at him. "You were saying?"

Xander ignored Angel as he wiped his face with the 'just in case' towel still not putting down William, pretending that he hadn't just lost face in front of the other man. The vampire watched the ministration as Xander finished with himself and changed William's clothes and diaper with ease. After a long silence Angel asked something that was troubling his mind since the angry young man had uttered it.

"Xander?"

"Hmmm?"

"What did Spike do to Buffy?"

Xander blinked down at the laughing child. If Angel asked this question earlier when they were fighting, Xander knew he would have told him. But right now … William's innocent face looked up to him worried sensing his distress. The child rose up giving him a sloppy kiss on his cheek as if knowing what would happen if Xander spoke the words.

Xander couldn't. He couldn't tell Angel what Spike did. What soulless Spike did! He didn't know how Angel would react to it. He feared what Angel might do, that even if he explained that Spike had failed to do what he almost did that the vampire would react the same Xander had reacted when he found out, or worse. His thoughts were all for the toddler in his arms.

"I can't," he said. "I'm sorry Angel, but it's not my place to tell. Should have thought of that before I told this someone else the same awhile back, I'm thinking they eventually worked through that. You understand?"

Angel nodded silently.

Xander turned to look at him. "Don't worry… it was when Spike didn't have a soul. It was actually why Spike went to get his soul."

Angel still had the thoughtful look in his eyes, and knowing that it must have been something so great as to lead for the blond to seek out his own torment he let it go. If he was meant to know then he would someday find out, if not then it was all in the past. Spike had done what Angelus could never do, he chose his path. And now Angel chose to follow Xander's path and let it go. Even if it was something about Buffy. He had something more important now.

Angel tickled William's belly and caused the child to squeal before yawning widely. Xander replaced the blinking baby in the crib and instinctively knew that this time when the child raised his hands that he wanted something other than to be picked up. He handed him Tigger and the toddler smiled up at them both before closing his eyes and in a few moments started snoring lightly.

Xander and Angel shared an understanding grin.

Yep, some things were more important than the past.

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